****************************************** "This book is like Twilight, if Twilight was about sex instead of Vampires and didn't hate women", Martin Robbins, The Guardian. The web's finest - Girl on the Net's brilliant life as a sex blogger in eBook for 99p to Popbitch readers for a limited time in the Kindle store. http://amzn.to/1iC0Pe3 ****************************************** "Girls have hearts and one thing I can say is that Tulisa has a heart" - Jody Latham ------------------------------------------ POPBITCH _ _ _ _ _ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__ | '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \ | |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | | | .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_| |_| |_| 05.12.13 ISSUE 668 Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe go to http://www.popbitch.com To send stories email: hello@popbitch.com * The Cowell/Brooks/Coulson love seat * Horrifying Eurovision rumours * Charts: Lily v 1D v Calvin for no 1 ------------------------------------------ >> Mail dominance << North Pole v Northen Ireland With only a few days to go until the postal deadlines for Christmas, here's a little bit of international mail trivia we learned this week: When kids post letters to Santa, if the letter just has "Santa" on it, it goes to Belfast. If it has "Santa, Lapland" on it, it goes there. ------------------------------------------ Michaela Strachan is allergic to elephants. ------------------------------------------ >> Tinie problem << Room for a small one Poor Tinie Tempah - a year or so ago he used Music Bank rehearsal studios but someone obviously forgot to pay his bill so the studios decided to lock up his equipment until they got paid, which they did. Fast forward to this year and TT has an arena tour booked so goes back to Music Bank for rehearsals. Music Bank, not wanting the same experience, demanded (and got) money up front for the whole rehearsal period. Everyone was happy until the tour got postponed. Now Tinie has a huge rehearsal room, block booked and paid for. Let's hope that the reason given for the rescheduling - that he needed time to practice - was true (rather than the rumoured one that they needed more time to sell tickets) or that room might be sitting empty for quite a while. ------------------------------------------ BigBen writes: "Stood next to former Tory leader Lord Michael Howard in the gents. Something of the slight about him." ------------------------------------------ >> Fuss Abbott << Tony feels Aung's pain Australia's new Prime Minister Tony Abbott met Burma's Aung San Suu Kyi this week. Mr Abbott (who was opposition leader for four years) said to Ms Suu Kyi (who was opposition leader under house arrest for 15 years): "I was an opposition leader myself for four years; I know that that position has some exhilarations and some frustrations." ------------------------------------------ Sydney Madame Tussaud's still has the Rolf Harris waxwork out and a video behind it where Rolf teaches you the wobble board. ------------------------------------------ >> Big Questions << Who wants to know what? Which largely untroubled child actor conquered the demon drink - only to pick up a cocaine habit that even seasoned onlookers describe as 'heroic'? ------------------------------------------ A spiritual healer from Bromley who claims she used to be Joan of Arc is saying that aliens have told her Crystal Palace will stay in the Premier League. ------------------------------------------ >> Hot seat << Sofa cushions the blows The News UK offices have a Tech Bar - a faux-Apple style space where you can go to talk through your IT troubles with a technician. In this Tech Bar, there is a big lumpy leather massage chair. The chair was a gift from Simon Cowell to Rebekah Brooks and it was left in her old office when she left the company. It now sits in the Tech Bar, notably unused. Employees are no doubt put off by the thoughts generated by the Coulson/Brooks revelations of the hacking trial... ------------------------------------------ German word of the week: Morgenmuffel. Meaning: "Someone who is always grumpy first thing in the morning". ------------------------------------------ >> Glans designs << More crotch-based buildings JWH writes: "I like your tale of the cock and balls housing estate. I still get at least as much amusement from Audenshaw Reservoir. It looks like a giant pair of Y Fronts from above. Perhaps most reservoirs look like this, I've not checked. If they do, well done reservoir architects." http://bit.ly/18EvLq3 J writes: "Have you seen the designer hotel The Scarlet on the North Cornwall coast? Anyone flying from Newquay to London is greeted with a view of a large phallus." http://bit.ly/1bJKdxp Mr Physhe writes: "After your story about a housing estate in Hoylake, Wirral; this is post-coital result" http://slate.me/1bJKa4H ------------------------------------------ A thirteen foot wicker otter has been stolen from the Otter pub in Newbridge. ------------------------------------------ >> Star treatment << The slave labour of love Hollywood director Bryan Singer likes to surround himself with young Filipino men on his sets. He builds a monitor fortress while shooting and the boys join him in there, as he directs his actors via monitor and microphone. Judging by the constant giggling that comes from the fortress, it seems that they're not treated like the Nigella trial-style "filipino slave" at all. ****************************************** Looking for the perfect Christmas gift? Unique gifts from Soma, a contemporary gallery and shop selling limited edition prints, cards and gifts handmade by artists. http://somagallery.co.uk/ ****************************************** >> Eurovision news << Fly on D-wing of love The always noncetastic Junior Eurovision, which took place in Kyiv last week, was won by a stunning 11 year old from Malta with a Celine Dion voice, Gaia Cauchi: http://bit.ly/1hzNBwY Also in Eurovision news: Horror! There's a rumour that Geri Halliwell's people are aiming for the UK nomination. Hurrah! Dr Alban is back and competing at Melodifestivalen for the Swedish entry. Huh? Loving these mental Swiss contestants - heavy metal sung in Latin or a song about the alps? http://bit.ly/IFBcbI ****************************************** You must see these! Rude and hilarious Christmas cards, gifts and the ultimate Secret Santa ideas. Get an extra 15pct off if you spend at least a fiver, use Coupon code 15POPBIZZLE: http://www.brainboxcandy.com/ ****************************************** >> Hmms << Kittens, Kanye, sexy coffins Gizzi Erskine's having a Christmas party at Hawker House. Santa's Blotto, Go-Go dancers, a tranny choir, a meat raffle and a Rumbola: http://bit.ly/18fIvkn Steven Poole on 'listicles': http://bit.ly/IqPCwQ Miley Cyrus and the Singing Kitten: http://nbcnews.to/18B9jxZ Australia is looking to get its own Jersey/Geordie Shore: http://bit.ly/IKK5BR Ask A North Korean! http://bit.ly/1joYZet The sexiest calendar you'll see in 2014 - naked ladies posing with coffins: http://www.kalendarzlindner.pl/2014-en/ Kanye or Creative Director? http://kanyevscreative.com An elephant, playing the piano: http://bit.ly/1cnH7NS London DJ collective Sink The Pink launch their new perfume (notes of prosecco, cherry lollipops, leather and pink grapefruit) with Etat Libre D'Orange today at the Redchurch St store: http://on.fb.me/1bjuoeY Sheepdogs, playing Grandma's Footsteps (you have to see it all the way through): http://bit.ly/1g9bvz8 High-quality acrylic on canvas paintings of your pet. A unique gift for pet lovers everywhere. Call 07983 247662 or: http://www.icanpaintyourpet.com ****************************************** PUNK+ by Sheila Rock. A luxury, limited edition book which features her best unpublished images from 1975-80, inc. The Clash, Siouxsie & The Banshees, Subway Sect, X Ray Spex, Chelsea/Generation X and many more. Only 1700 standard copies, 300 deluxe edition. http://www.firstthirdbooks.com/ ****************************************** >> Stuff about Popbitch << * Email us stories, gossip, otter pics: hello@popbitch.com * Subscribe or unsubscribe here: http://www.popbitch.com * Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd. * Mail by aysabtu ******************************************* Thanks to: HC, PD, MSF, poshduckhunter, DY, PK, abominablehoman, mountstnobody deep_stoat, ulysses, JT, DD, E, M, gravelly_hills_cop, Ollie's Ladyboys, ML, DY, SG, trellis, MF, AP ******************************************* Old Jokes Home: Q: What do you call a Rastafarian with auburn hair? A: A Ginger Dread Mon Still Bored: http://www.usdebtclock.org/
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Fly On D-Wing Of Love
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Gays and Dolls
****************************************** Booodl's Secret "Ninja" Santa is here to help you be an amazing gift-giver this holiday season. Whether it's for your friends, family or colleagues, he's pulled together awesome and affordable gifts so you can go cheap without looking it. Go to Booodl and search for 'Secret Santa' to get started: http://goo.gl/qeGBhW ****************************************** "The only thing I want is to make sure people give back to the Philippines right now." - Nicole Scherzinger ------------------------------------------ POPBITCH _ _ _ _ _ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__ | '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \ | |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | | | .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_| |_| |_| 12.12.13 ISSUE 669 Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe go to http://www.popbitch.com To send stories email: hello@popbitch.com * Kerry Katona's celebrity vicar * Jay-Z and the feudal spirit * Charts: Lily Allen v Avicii for no 1 ------------------------------------------ >> Top drop << Clarkson sinks the pink The Top Gear trio. They're a bunch of lads, aren't they? Driving big cars, joking about foreigners, scoffing at metrosexuals. Bet they love nothing more than a big pub lunch with loads of gravy and a frothing pint of ale, right? Well, it's probably no surprise to learn that the three of them were dining at a Michelin starred restaurant a couple of weeks ago - but it was a little surprising to hear that Jeremy Clarkson was ordering a few glasses of rose from the sommelier. ------------------------------------------ David Cameron's contentious apartheid-era trip to South Africa was organised by ex- Big Brother housemate Derek Laud. ------------------------------------------ >> Danan dusted << Twibutes to great men Paul Danan's Twitter tribute to the late James Gandolfini = 102 retweets and 18 favourites. Paul Danan's Twitter tribute to the late Nelson Mandela = 8 retweets and 4 favourites. ------------------------------------------ Lord Geldof of Africa was spotted walking down Oxford St last week, "and mighty grumpy he looked too." Don't you know it's Xmas, Bob? etc ------------------------------------------ >> Big Questions << Who wants to know what? A celebrity magazine has been following which megastar couple thanks to a tip-off that the man was shagging around? They've not got any story to run, though, as the couple are clever enough (and generous enough) to make sure they pay any lovers more than any media outlet, so their secrets seem safe. ****************************************** Drink amazing fresh coffee this Christmas. Pact Coffee will send you a 250g bag for just ONE POUND with free P&P, a saving of 5.95GBP - use code JINGLEBELLS now at http://www.pactcoffee.com - future bags are 6.95GBP, delivered when you need them. ****************************************** >> Don't watch the throne << Jay-Z and the feudal spirit It's long been said that rap stars are the new royalty in celebrity. The bling, the money, the power they exert over their entourage. Jay Z has developed quite the regal attitude. Workers in his apartment are advised, upon him entering the room, to walk to the nearest corner and face the wall until he leaves. ------------------------------------------ Benjamin Netanyahu spent $23k on flowers at his official residence in Jerusalem in 2012. (About 300 quid a month less than Nigella/Saatchi were spunking on theirs). ------------------------------------------ >> Wedding Gest << Celebrity vicar for Katona After two failed marriages and two bankruptcies, you might be worried that Kerry Katona will choose to make her upcoming third wedding a quiet, low-level sort of affair. But, no. Not a bit of it. Kerry's really pulling out all the stops to make sure it's third time lucky this time - by getting David Gest to by perform the wedding ceremony. FYI: We're looking forward to seeing the wedding photos. Fingers crossed Dave has another of these up his sleeve. http://bit.ly/1bGToNm ------------------------------------------ Favourite recent fact from hacking trial: The Queen was upset that police ate all the nuts left out for guests in run-up to Charles and Camilla's wedding. ------------------------------------------ >> Gays and dolls << We're putting Tom in now Advertising agency Mother have produced a limited edition set of special Russian dolls, of "gay icons" to be auctioned to raise money for Russian LGBTs. They are rather nicely done, and for a good cause. But we can't help feeling a little sorry for one of the icons. There's Elton, Stephen Fry, George Michael and Graham Norton. And Tom Daley, who only came out as bixsexual a week ago. And who has to compete in Russia fairly soon. And, as the smallest doll, is inserted into Graham Norton (who, himself fits into George Michael... etc.) http://www.torussiawithlove.co.uk/ ------------------------------------------ Big day for Vic Reeves today - hosting "DatacenterDynamics EMEA Awards", where he will find out who has innovated best in mega-data centres, IT etc. ------------------------------------------ >> Glans Designs 2 << Channel 4's humungous penis FS writes: "The glass canopy entrance to the Channel 4 building in Westminster was deliberately designed as a big old schlong by architects Richard Rogers Partnership (who also designed the Lloyd's of London building). When people are leaving the building they are literally ejaculated out the end!" ------------------------------------------ Punchdrunk's chief designers are branching our from immersive theatre, and doing the interiors of a new restaurant in Clapton. ------------------------------------------ >> Moscow mule << Wikileaks' fatted calf Rolling Stone has a good article on Glenn Greenwald and Edward Snowden. It makes an interesting point about why Wikileaks got so involved with Snowden's travel arrangements: "Snowden has been an undeniable boon for WikiLeaks, which has been struggling financially since 2011 (last year, it reportedly received just $93,000 in donations, barely making a dent in its 2012 annual budget of $530,000). After Snowden went public, donations to the group began to pour in at around $1,300 per day. WikiLeaks now sells T-shirts, mugs and tote bags with Snowden's face on them (Bradley Manning's visage, which once adorned similar paraphernalia, has all but disappeared)." Read more: http://rol.st/18WrZZq ****************************************** You must see these! Rude and hilarious Christmas cards, gifts and brilliant Secret Santa ideas. Get an extra 15% off if you spend at least a fiver, use Coupon code 15FORYOUPOPB: http://brainboxcandy.com ****************************************** >> Hmms << Dr Seuss, JT, despots Nigella's nostrils: http://bit.ly/1aYtIaw The Mandela Memorial selfie - the real story by the man who took the picture of the picture: http://bit.ly/JhQgO3 HITLER, STALIN, POT, AMIN, MAO, THATCHER – All the greats in dot-to-dot. That's your Secret Santa for your awful boss sorted: http://www.dottodespot.bigcartel.com Dr Seuss porn? http://bit.ly/1bxVBq0 John Terry porn-a-like: http://bit.ly/1f3QjGU Good way to update your dance collection - Defected Records' top 50 2013: http://bit.ly/19jLhFZ What's that in the back of your Citroen Xsara? http://bit.ly/J9SyOl Presenter notes found in the dressing room after last month's Classic Rock Awards: http://i41.tinypic.com/x5rp6x.jpg ****************************************** Fed up with Gumtree and Craigslist? NEEDZ is the new classified service designed to be shared. We're mobile friendly and free - so get posting now! http://needz.net/ ****************************************** >> Stuff about Popbitch << * Email us stories, gossip, otter pics: hello@popbitch.com * Subscribe or unsubscribe here: http://www.popbitch.com * Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd. * Mail by aysabtu ******************************************* Thanks to: JW, Santas Little Helper, TM, DH, MS, SG, TB, deep_stoat, AM, GH, TT, MF, plasticflamingo ******************************************* Old Jokes Home: I've bought a Manchester United lamp. It looks great in the middle of the table. Still Bored: Christopher Walken on Badger v Baboon? http://bit.ly/IR8sN9
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↧
Humping The Drinks Trolley
***************************************** Ever wondered what love with a UKIP superstar would be like? Jane Bussmann did..."'Godfrey!', I breathed, reaching for his purple face, unable to control my rising passion any longer... one hot July, so hot our mingling sweat evaporated like beef juice off a doner kebab..." For the full love story all you need is an iPad: http://bit.ly/1bexc8Y ***************************************** "Everywhere I go, people are nice to me. But that horse, he didn't care" - Dappy ------------------------------------------ POPBITCH _ _ _ _ _ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__ | '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \ | |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | | | .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_| |_| |_| 09.01.14 ISSUE 672 Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe go to http://www.popbitch.com To send stories email: hello@popbitch.com * Hitting out at Twitter * A very Murray Christmas * Charts: Pharrell is number one ------------------------------------------ >> Front row << Sitting next to the Joneses The CBB housemates who know who Liz Jones is will no doubt be trying their hardest to keep in her good books so they don't get a pasting in her inevitable post-show columns, but they may already be doomed. As one woman who worked on a fashion mag said: "I sat next to Liz Jones at a fashion show in Paris. I said hello; she ignored me. Next week she wrote a piece about how vile fashion people are". ------------------------------------------ shagpile_perm writes: "A FOF slept with Spencer Matthews. He asked her to repeat his name constantly." ------------------------------------------ >> Bag it up << Hitting out at Twitter The new series of Sherlock has been drawing mixed reviews on social media. It's not escaped the notice of the people who worked on the series. One of them has been spotted at his gym taking out his frustrations on the punchbag. He calls the punchbag "Twitter". ------------------------------------------ Someone who helped Piers Morgan move house says one of the stranger items they carried was a life-size cardboard cut-out of... Piers Morgan! ------------------------------------------ >> Murray Christmas << Tis the season to be jolly(ish) Christmas is a time to eat, drink and be merry. Even famous grumps like Andy Murray can't fight it. His Christmas Eve dinner with his Ma consisted of a rare fillet steak with no accompaniments, no dessert and only cranberry juice to drink. Judy had one glass of white wine and the pair of them shared a single smile. ------------------------------------------ Zachary Quinto gets lost in translation in this month's Empire: "I was always bummed when my brother and I would play together..." ------------------------------------------ >> The White attitude << Cooking up a storm in Dubai Marco Pierre White has just opened a new venue in the Conrad Hotel, Dubai. One of his earliest bookings was a corporate dinner for 200. He arrived an hour before service having left everything to staff. During the meal he refused to speak to anyone and sat with his back to the room. So this is what 100GBP a head gets you these days. ------------------------------------------ BBC kids show Ben and Holly has a spoof Boris Johnson character in it as Mayor. ------------------------------------------ >> Close to the hedge << Fergie's Christmas surprise The royal family really don't like Sarah Ferguson. A few years ago Fergie was spending Christmas in a cottage on the edges of the grounds of Sandringham (she has been banned from turning up to the big house festivities that the rest of her family attends). All alone in the cottage, she rang the royal household to complain that a Christmas tree hadn't been supplied. An aide promised one would be sent over. And indeed it was. A truck duly arrived, and Fergie's tree came sailing right over the hedge. ------------------------------------------ Gyles Brandreth was spotted at Brasserie Zedel, wearing a crown made of napkins in order to cadge a free meal. ------------------------------------------ >> Death duties << Catching up on the fallen qm writes: "In the obit for Simon Hoggart the Guardian noted 'Though devoted to his family, he was not endowed for a gentle harmonious life by the fireside'- a reference to his dalliance with Kimberley Quinn. "It fails to mention that the week after the story broke Hoggart was hosting The News Quiz. Fearing that the contestants would tear him to pieces Hoggart nullified the situation by having his wife and family sit in the front row of the audience." RIP 2: Phil Everly inspired Warren Zevon, who was his musical director, to write Werewolves of London. ------------------------------------------ RIP 3: John Fortune. The second best- received old boy to return to Bristol Cathedral School (behind Julian Close from Red "Lean On Me" Box, we're told). ------------------------------------------ >> Nought again << Pop will repeat itself Looks like we're going to be subjected to a noughties revival in 2014. * MC Luck and DJ Neat playing Dalston this weekend; Brixton next weekend. * Craig David's new album PR onslaught has begun. AND * Oxide and Neutrino are back! (Quarks and Leptons EP. Nice but not a hugely new direction.) ------------------------------------------ West Ham's Sam Allardyce is the 13th best paid football manager in the world. ------------------------------------------ >> Hmms << Bacon, cheetos, porn Inside the most popular porn cinema in Pakistan: http://bit.ly/1aJCES6 Man tries to hump everything on the train - including the drinks trolley: http://bit.ly/1hyNQsC US Government 0, see otters 1: http://bit.ly/1gGz6VA Bowls made out of bacon: https://www.buyperfectbacon.com/ Mountain Dew flavoured Cheetos: http://www.jbox.com/product/JAT185 Someone's made a list of the best 100 apps for kids so you didn't have to: http://bit.ly/1dhYEtk >> Stuff about Popbitch << * Email us stories, gossip, otter pics: hello@popbitch.com * Subscribe or unsubscribe here: http://www.popbitch.com * Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd. * Mail by aysabtu ******************************************* Thanks to: meow, HC, soapy_handerton, majicman, SG, KP, LMES, deep_stoat, Ourmaninkabul, BK, mrsix, AM ******************************************* Old Jokes Home: It took huge bravery for Thomas Hitzlsperger to make that statement. Admitting that he'd played for West Ham. Still Bored: Got an iPad? Skint after Xmas? Popbitch 2013 Annual is FREE. And has the cutest baby panda and wallaby pics ever: http://bit.ly/1bexc8Y
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The Belarusian Robin Thicke
***************************************** Drink amazing fresh coffee this year. (We're addicted to the Espresso blend here at PB Towers) Pact Coffee will send you a 250g bag for just ONE POUND with free P&P, a saving of 5.95GBP - use code POPBITCH14 now at http://www.pactcoffee.com - future bags are 6.95GBP, delivered when you need them. ***************************************** "When you live in a sweet shop, you don't eat the sweets" - Dave Lee Travis ------------------------------------------ POPBITCH _ _ _ _ _ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__ | '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \ | |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | | | .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_| |_| |_| 16.01.14 ISSUE 673 Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe go to http://www.popbitch.com To send stories email: hello@popbitch.com * Eurovision 2014 looks amazing * A racing legend is lost * Charts: Pharrell is still number one ------------------------------------------ >> Brothers pride << Is all publicity good publicity? Camden gallery owner Alex Proud took to the Telegraph this week to slag off East London, specifically the "Shoreditchification" of the city, and explained why he hates everything it stands for. Interestingly, East London is where his brother has chosen to launch a new venue, Proud Archivist. A new venue for which Alex got a nice job as launch consultant. His brother must be delighted! ------------------------------------------ Tuesday's celeb mags: "Rita Ora to move into Calvin Harris' LA home... wouldn't be surprising if Calvin popped the question." Thursday: Rita and Calvin have split up. ------------------------------------------ >> To me, to Yew << Courting controversy Which is the oddest fact to have come out of the DLT trial so far? * That an alleged DLT assault was averted by one of the Chuckle Brothers coming into the dressing room? * That DLT has amateur photography of Jo S Club on his wall? * Or that the song DLT chose to put his hand up an audience member's skirt during Top of The Pops was The Smurf Song? ------------------------------------------ An email was sent to Sky News staff asking for seven dwarfs to appear in a Sky Movies ident. Any of the news team with a heavy, cuddly build (preferably shorter than average height) could apply. ------------------------------------------ >> Big Questions << Who is asking what this week Which popular presenter likes to talk up her charity work in interviews but, according to some of the charities for whom she is a patron, is actually pretty tricky to pin down to get to do anything? She recently refused to interview a child in a wheelchair for the camera because she "doesn't look good crouching". ------------------------------------------ The Milan nightclub where Eddie Irvine brawled to get his prison sentence, has two-way mirrors in the bogs so the girls can see the men taking a waz. ------------------------------------------ >> Can't-fish << No-one's taking the bait The TV show Catfish brings Americans who have only met on the internet together in real life - often with disastrous consequences. (Who'd have thought that so many people would be lying on the internet, eh?) MTV are trying to do a series in the UK too, but it doesn't seem to be going too well. This week the production company sent a begging email to hundreds of journalists offering to pay a fee for any help finding them people they could film. ------------------------------------------ Popbitch's favourite astrophysicist? Imperial College's Professor Alan Heavens. ------------------------------------------ >> Badger V Baboon << An expert weighs in DWM writes: "I've just asked the rangers on safari in South Africa the badger v baboon question. One of them once saw a honey badger fight two fully grown male lions and win. So he says a badger would find a fight with a baboon a relaxing rest." ------------------------------------------ The cost of policing the 2013 badger culls was +2.6mGBP. Or at least 1,300GBP per badger killed. ------------------------------------------ >> A new vision << 2014 could be a great year It's only January, but already the Eurovision news has started: 1. Sasha Bognibov is entering for Moldova again. His 13th entry (which must be a some sort of record?) is "My Lesbian Girl". 2. Belarus have chosen something they clearly think is a bit Blurred Lines, picking a Robin Thicke-a-like who sings about being tied up in a girl's "sweet cheesecake". 3. Home County metallers UKR claim the UK entry is between them and Halliwell this year. They're a brushed up version of a pub band called Hurricane Jane with a very slightly big name guitarist Laurence Archer, ex-of Stampede, the worst line up of UFO, and Grand Slam - the band Phil Lynott formed after Thin Lizzy split up to pay off his heroin dealer. Listen to them all here: http://bit.ly/1fBm5PS ------------------------------------------ Remy Martin have been emailing about the the launch of their "creative consultant" Robin Thicke's new bottle. Because tying your booze brand to the man behind 2013's most questionable music video = good plan. ------------------------------------------ >> John gone << Farewell to a driving legend RIP John Button, one of the true characters left in F1. Our favourite old tale told about him by fellow drinkers in his local, Monaco's Ship and Castle, was this. Jenson was away for a few days and left his luxury home in the care of his father. He came back to find dad asleep on the sofa. On waking him he asks him if he borrowed his watches while he was away as they weren't in the bedroom. Or the car, as it wasn't in the garage. And what had happened to the TV on the wall...? It seemed that Dad has been on such an epic session that he didn't notice the house being cleaned out as he slept it off. Respect. ------------------------------------------ Worst TV show of the year? "Contestants go head to head with some of Britain's most talented pensioners." Presented by Paddy McGuinness - and called? Amazing Greys... ------------------------------------------ >> Hmms << Sperm, soda, virtual prisons San Francisco porn cinema, the Fox Theatre has just shut down and someone got in there with a UV light. The results aren't pretty: imgur.com/a/0Ynwo Alex James is planning on releasing a fizzy drink called Britpop. Just 20 years late on cashing in on that terrible joke, then. http://bit.ly/1dwgPdh Press shots from amateur dramatics: http://prisdifficult.tumblr.com/ Build and manage your own high security prison! http://bit.ly/1eUGTgK London - getting younger: http://on.ft.com/1i12oS1 What makes "wankingoveryou" TV presenter love working at Supercasino? (Wait for the last line) http://bit.ly/1denR5p Cat periscope: http://bit.ly/1dyAgDU Post Ashes blues/cheer? Where in Sydney to drown your sorrows/ wind up a pom: http://bit.ly/1a9Tnnj What are you doing on Monday? Would Like to Meet at Popbitch Popquiz. Mon 20 Jan. A few places left for single guys, at the verified online dating site knees up. RSVP hello@wouldliketomeet.me For info: http://bit.ly/1b5NxOq ***************************************** YAY! BRAND NEW RUBBERBANDITS SHOW opens at Soho Theatre on 30 Jan. Tickets from 10GBP Popbitches get 2.50GBP off all tickets. Quote "YOKES" when booking: http://bit.ly/13nhSKq ***************************************** >> Stuff about Popbitch << * Email us stories, gossip, otter pics: hello@popbitch.com * Subscribe or unsubscribe here: http://www.popbitch.com * Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd. * Mail by aysabtu ******************************************* Thanks to: MRR, Ulysses, TMM, JS abominablehoman, O, MT, mountstnobody danceswithmustelids, monstris, opus ******************************************* Old Jokes Home: I went out with a cardboard cut-out once. She dumped me though, because I stood her up. Still Bored: Play Chef Goldblum: http://chefgoldblum.com/
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The Milky Bars are on T!
"I need to catch up on my drinking" - Jennifer Lawrence ------------------------------------------ POPBITCH _ _ _ _ _ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__ | '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \ | |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | | | .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_| |_| |_| 23.01.14 ISSUE 674 Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe go to http://www.popbitch.com To send stories email: hello@popbitch.com * The Milky Bars are on T! * Grunting at Beckham * Charts: Clean Bandit will be new no 1 ------------------------------------------ >> Horse play << That old chestnut There was much amusement when it was revealed in court that in among the contents of the bag dumped by Charlie Brooks - alongside the laptop and all the lesbian porn - was a solitary conker. It becomes even funnier when you know that the rumour going around London legal and media circles suggested that, if police were to check the laptop thoroughly, they might see that the chestnut is not the only thing of the horse variety on there. ------------------------------------------ One Eurovision rumour we're hoping comes true... that Ben Westbeech (of Breach/ Jack fame) is considering the UK entry. ------------------------------------------ >> Courting disaster << Unfortunate Price to pay Katie Price must be ruing the decision to take her ex husband, manager and friend to court over a privacy claim. We reported in November things weren't going well. They've got worse. She was recently papped coming out of her Mayfair lawyers, and you've got to commend the Pricey for being able to smile for the cameras, because her lawyers appear to have messed up big time for her. Her claim looks like it will be thrown out of court, as witness statements weren't exchanged (similar to the Andrew Mitchell case). So unless she applies to the court for a relief from sanctions (and is successful), that's it. The good news for her is there would be no court case to air the dirty laundry. The bad news: enormous legal bills to pay and a win for Peter Andre and Claire Powell. We'll keep you posted... ------------------------------------------ The BBC emailed metallers UKR this week to say they didn't make the Eurovision shortlist. (Euro fans unlikely to get its Brit-centric references, apparently.) ------------------------------------------ >> Big Questions << Who is asking what this week Which married Vegas music star with a new record out this year secretly prefers same sex love? ------------------------------------------ Clean Bandit, formed at Cambridge University, are on course to have the fastest selling single of the year so far this week, Rather Be. ------------------------------------------ >> Bad news << Kanye holds no currency BBC News does research on what stories resonate well with viewers. The least closely followed story this month? The launch of the new virtual currency CoinyeCoin. Only 7% of adults had any interest in this story. So is this bad news for Kanye? Or bad news for whoever at the BBC thinks these ridiculous non-stories are actually news? Our guess: probably both. ------------------------------------------ Shakira/Rihanna's Can't Remember To Forget You takes ska global. Who knew Ordinary Boys and Olly Murs were such trendsetters? ------------------------------------------ >> Acting out << Cara fluffs her lines Poor Cara Delevingne. She's going to find the transition from model to actor tricky enough as it is, without giving her critics any extra ammunition. Something tells us that when she finally hits the silver screen, she's going to wish she phrased this a little better: "I get paranoid because I'm doing something - acting - that I want to do very badly." ------------------------------------------ Tucked away in the New Year's Honours: Amelia Fletcher (of Talulah Gosh and Heavenly) awarded an OBE for services to Competition and Consumer Economics. ------------------------------------------ >> Cops and robbers << Stealing shirts off their backs ALondonCopper writes: "The new Met uniform for my team of 170 officers got delivered to the wrong station, so about 800 shirts and 400 trousers. "You would think it's a nice, safe place to keep uniform in. A secure, gated and guarded police station with about 40 officers. But no, a couple of officers take a van down there to collect it and find almost every piece has been stolen. "We are going to look like a sack of poo poo for months now." ------------------------------------------ Schoolfriends of Tristram Hunt MP say he used to tell them he had been a Milky Bar Kid. Anyone got any evidence? ------------------------------------------ >> O... is for opossum << Otters out, it's marsupial time We've got a new favourite animal: the opossum. - Baby opossums are born the size of a honeybee. - They are impervious to snake venom. - Male opossums are 'jacks', female opossums are 'jills' and baby opossums are 'joeys'. Oh, and this is how they travel: http://bit.ly/1f8Nvde ------------------------------------------ Nom Dem of the week - Andy Murray's physiotherapist is called... Mark Bender! ------------------------------------------ >> Poor sports << Energy firms take over Barclays pay 40m GBP a year to sponsor the football Premier League. The rugby league Super League Europe is not quite on the same scale, but is still the second most-watched sport on Sky. So is it getting a similar corporate money boost? Well, last sponsor, Eddie Stobart, didn't seem to stump up anything much in the way of cash for naming rights - offering adverts on its trucks instead. This week, energy firm First Utility was announced as the new sponsor. And how much are they paying? Well, neither the league or the company would say. First Utility in the end just stated it "it is a confidential fee which we will not be disclosing". Which doesn't sound altogether lucrative. ------------------------------------------ An overdue RIP to Ronald Reagan's press secretary and father of modern-day nominative determinism... Larry Speakes. ------------------------------------------ >> Grunt work << How to talk to Derek "At multinational Milan, Ancelotti learnt to coach players from everywhere. Once he had to brief his squad on a practical joke being prepared at the expense of newcomer Mathieu Flamini. "First you tell the Italians, in Italian," he recalls, "then you tell the Brazilians, in pseudo-Italian. And then you tell Beckham, with grunts and gestures." From this excellent interview: http://on.ft.com/1l14FPd ------------------------------------------ Kabul police's newest way to combat bombers - go around puncturing tires of cars left on the streets, so they can't be stolen and used as car bombs. ------------------------------------------ >> Hmms << Best friends, bots, ponies Captain and Tennille are getting a divorce - but if you want to remember the happier times, their website is like a portal back to 1997: http://www.captainandtennille.net/ Rubberbandits have a new video out. It is, quite simply, terrifying: http://bit.ly/19Q2WqQ Stardoll. Like Moshi Moshi Monsters but with added sexism and racial stereotyping. And no monsters: http://www.stardoll.com/en/ Want to talk with the world's most infuriating chatbot? http://nlp-addiction.com/eliza/ Yay! Street Feast is coming back to Hawker House: http://bit.ly/1eUP1xj This is what happens when you organise academic conferences on DMT: http://bit.ly/1hmqTpn Kim Dotcom has released an album: http://baboom.com/kimdotcom Ever wanted your own "augmented reality tarantula"? http://virtually-free.com/phobia-free/ See first-hand what it's like to have sex with yourself. Then never have sex again! http://www.glassandsex.com/ Barcelona - best at producing "Big 5" players: http://bit.ly/1jpHZ9C CORRECTION: That spunk-covered cinema from last week was in Vancouver not San Fran. Thanks to all of you brave enough to come forward and let us know... ***************************************** Perk up your slow trudge towards death with a bit of sketch comedy! Things by Rat at the Etcetera Theatre, 27th Jan. More info: http://we-are-rat.tumblr.com ***************************************** >> Stuff about Popbitch << * Email us stories, gossip, otter pics: hello@popbitch.com * Subscribe or unsubscribe here: http://www.popbitch.com * Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd. * Mail by aysabtu ******************************************* Thanks to: mountstnobody, monstris, B, AA, ourmaninkabul, poplab, CV, IG, D, SG, O thebestnameshavegone, darlene, ulysses ******************************************* Old Jokes Home: A blowfly goes into a bar's toilets and asks "Is this my stool"? Still Bored: And sad? http://sadyoutube.com/
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↧
“Sorry – this is just what we do”
***************************************** It's EASY to drink amazing fresh coffee this year, at home or at work. Pact Coffee will send you a 250g bag for just ONE POUND with free P&P, a saving of 5.95GBP - use code pbcoffee now at http://www.pactcoffee.com - future bags 6.95GBP, delivered when you need them. ***************************************** "Me coming into this house has helped me to separate Costas from Dappy" - Dappy ------------------------------------------ POPBITCH _ _ _ _ _ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__ | '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \ | |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | | | .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_| |_| |_| 30.01.13 ISSUE 675 Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe go to http://www.popbitch.com To send stories email: hello@popbitch.com * It's the Jim and Dickie show! * The glamour of the Old Bailey * Charts: Clean Bandit are still no 1 ------------------------------------------ >> Gout of line << What Guardian readers really like So, what has been the biggest story on the guardian.co.uk site this year? Edward Snowdon and the NSA? (Nope, they wish) George Osborne and the deficit? (Yawn) Maybe the hacking trial? Erm, no... It was a story about how not to get gout. ------------------------------------------ The opossum is the only marsupial that lives outside Australasia. ------------------------------------------ >> Wood you believe it! << News from the cheap seats The glamour just doesn't stop at the phone hacking trial. Our man in the public gallery writes: "They might have had Jude Law in the witness box this week, but in the public gallery we've not only had another visit from Derek Laud, but also... Duncan Preston, from off of Victoria Wood!" ------------------------------------------ Michael York was regularly refused credit cards in the 1990s because his signature was so crappy. ------------------------------------------ >> Big Question << What people are asking this week Which celebrity chef has a penchant for seasoning his sleeping conquests with his own special sauce? One poor woman awoke the morning after to find him standing over her, masturbating into her hair. When reprimanded, he replied, "Sorry - this is just what I do." ****************************************** I want to shag you good and proper! Come and have a laugh at the naughtiest Valentines cards and gifts around. Cheaper than a fancy pants meal and much more fun. Go on, send a card, you might even get lucky! http://bit.ly/OCjy1 ****************************************** >> Five alive << Fixed it for Jim? And so, like Barrymore before him, Jim Davidson has emerged from the Big Brother house, the first step in his TV rehabilitation complete. The edits have certainly been kind to him. Could this have anything to do with a post on Jim's own blog last November? "Contrary to reports I have not been approached to enter the Big Brother house. Not saying that I wouldn't go in just saying I haven't been asked. My friend Richard Desmond owns channel five and what he says goes." Several OK! hands from the old days recall that any time Desmond held a "charity" bash, Jim would be more than happy to do a turn - for which he was often rewarded with at-home spreads in the glossy weekly. Now it seems that Dickie is going one step further and helping his old chum with a career revival. Those in the know say a list of possible TV shows is being lined up for Davidson. Well, they do need a new face for the station now that Rolf Harris is otherwise indisposed. ------------------------------------------ Jim Davidson once offered to piss on Myleene Klass's hands to keep them warm. ------------------------------------------ >> Hot pursuit << Boys in blue are in the red Lincolnshire Police are facing a severe funding crisis at the moment. Already, they have had to shift loads of work onto ubiquitous screw-ups G4S, but now they've got an even bigger problem. Channel 5 has chosen to feature the force on the show 'Police Interceptors'. The producers want something juicy, the bobbies want to look good on camera, so they have had to scrabble together all available resources to put on a good show. Which is why, on Monday, when they got a call about a missing oven, they went full Michael Bay and deployed no fewer than five police vehicles and one helicopter... in pursuit of two burglars. ------------------------------------------ Our congratulations to McDonald's new marketing officer, Deborah Wahl - but sadly the person she replaces at the Golden Arches is... Neil Golden. ------------------------------------------ >> Making NMEs << More Amelia Fletcher news A writes: "The late Steven Wells of the NME wrote an article that bands like hers ought to be sent to Nazi death camps. Amelia sent him a four page memo explaining why, as the grand-daughter of Jewish refugees from Poland, he might like to consider his views. "Swells sent back a note telling her to fuck off. In capitals." ------------------------------------------ Also in Talulah Gosh, Peter Momtchiloff, is now the senior commissioning editor for philosophy at Oxford University Press. ------------------------------------------ >> A funny spell << Sign of the times In Microsoft Word 2010, the word "Kardashian" got the red squiggly line treatment from the automatic spellcheck. In Microsoft Word 2013, the word "Kardashian" is now a recognised spelling. ------------------------------------------ Rylan was pissing off production staff at BBBotS, vetoing guests on 'his show'. Crew had to remind him that it was actually Emma Willis' show. ------------------------------------------ >> Law and order << Jude should take tips from Vicky Interesting to see Jude Law taken aback by the idea that a relative was selling stories about him. Even the meanest intelligence (Victoria Beckham) knew that this was how the red tops got a load of their stories. At the height of the Beckhams' fame someone close to Posh was selling stories on her to the tabs. So what did Victoria do? Go apeshit? Moan? Cry? Well, maybe. But the smartest thing she did was put them on her payroll. The snitch still gets their payday, and the celeb keeps their loyalty. Everybody's happy! ------------------------------------------ Dave Fenton, singer of The Vapors (Turning Japanese) is now the in-house solicitor for the Musician's Union. ------------------------------------------ >> Hmmms << Otter, metal, Pixies Life after pop: http://bit.ly/1a3ltjC Woo-hoo! http://bit.ly/1cy85TY Send us your favourite link, quote or joke. Our favourites will get a DVD of new crowdfunded Brit horror film, Heretic. Details/review etc: http://bit.ly/1d9Ss0P Metal albums with googly eyes http://bit.ly/1lmpgNW Urban otter v rural otter. Who wins? http://bit.ly/1k7T6Sj Which member of an obscure Britpop band are you? http://bit.ly/1dQpBi7 Starting tonight, til 22 Feb at Soho Theatre, Rubberbandits. Quote "YOKES" when booking to get special popbitch discount: http://bit.ly/13nhSKq Heard the new Pixies single? http://bit.ly/1np7LeA Pst, want to rent a boyfriend? http://on.ft.com/1n0Wzln Good news: French hipsters Twin Twin are in their Eurovision final. Bad news: the track is not nearly as good as their usual stuff. http://bit.ly/1aJJdKk ****************************************** Celebrate the first anniversary of the horsemeat crisis with a top quality, char-grilled, all horse (no beef) burger at the LORD NELSON SE1. Also enjoy our new english meadow dining room, jenga, connect 4, chocolate orange flavoured shots and a pickled egg. http://www.lordnelsonsouthwark.com ****************************************** >> Stuff about Popbitch << * Email us stories, gossip, otter pics: hello@popbitch.com * Subscribe or unsubscribe here: http://www.popbitch.com * Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd. * Mail by aysabtu ******************************************* Thanks to: JE, PD, Quiddity, ulysses, GO AH, MrKM, AA, mountstnobody, RM, PL, JG, D, SG, R, SW, Ulysses, monstris, ESR, hornbag, majicman, fayekorgasm, AM ******************************************* Old Jokes Home: I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up. She turned out to be an undercover detective. How cool is that at her age! Still Bored: There are four million un-listened-to songs on Spotify: http://forgotify.com
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Cranking in Colorado
****************************************** Top quality urban art and prints - including Kozik, Faile, Dan Danger, Brainwash, Obey, Banksy etc etc with many more pieces added every Thursday evening. Start here: http://ebay.eu/1b2RnO0 ***************************************** "Oh, shit, oh, shit. Whatever why I'm so so missing Tony. Because he is so so charming and his clothes are so good" - Wendi Deng ------------------------------------------ POPBITCH _ _ _ _ _ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__ | '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \ | |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | | | .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_| |_| |_| 06.02.14 ISSUE 676 Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe go to http://www.popbitch.com To send stories email: hello@popbitch.com * Yew again? More of the same * Death Metal Haddaway * Charts: Clean Bandit still no 1 ------------------------------------------ >> Pipe of peace << Ob-La-Diddy, Ob-La-Da If only all celebs were like this. Paul McCartney attended a Super Bowl party at the weekend thrown by P Diddy. Macca was approached by a total stranger who offered him a joint. He just smiled and accepted it. ------------------------------------------ Forget Nando's black card; Jedward have a special gold card for Irish kebab chain Abrakebabra. They order everything on the menu, even though they don't eat meat. ------------------------------------------ >> War Digs << Paxo and the Q&A On Newsnight and University Challenge, Jeremy Paxman is known for asking some very difficult questions. Yet when he appeared before the British press to launch his new series, Britain's Great War, the combined ranks of TV Quick, Media Guardian and radiotimes.com (in the less- than-hostile environment of the Charlotte St Hotel) seemed a little too much for him. Instead of taking questions from the floor, as is customary at these things, there was a 20 minute soft-soap Q&A session hosted by Stephen Armstrong, described to us as "the go-to man for gentle TV puff-pieces". Behind the scenes it was suggested that it was arranged like this because Paxman didn't want to get caught out, like he did at the Cheltenham Literature Festival. There he was asked what happened to WW1 army chief, Lord Kitchener. Despite having written a book to accompany his TV series, poor Paxo didn't know. ------------------------------------------ If you (like us - and Paxman) didn't know, Kitchener drowned in 1916 when his ship was hit by a German mine. ------------------------------------------ >> Big Questions << Who wants to know what? Which US star's rehab isn't nearly as simplistic as it's been made out? The young (but past it) star has been so worried that her career is over she's been getting stuck into some quite choice extra-curricular activities. She is so desperate to succeed, but the despair is putting off employers, which just means the cycle she's stuck in goes on. ------------------------------------------ Former Vapours bandmember, Ed Bazalgette (yes he is a relation somewhere along the line) is now a successful TV director. ------------------------------------------ >> Yew again? << Same as it ever was Continuing the illustrious work of weekend paedo-huntin' that its predecessor, the News Of The World, is now no longer able to do, the Sun on Sunday's front page was shouting that it had a massive exclusive story this week - a "beloved pop star" accused of abusing a 10 year-old boy. Except it's not really much of an exclusive at all. The Daily Star ran the story 13 months ago, when it actually seemed to be news. Since then the police haven't done any of the things they claimed they were going to do about it. In fact, all they've done is busily tout around the same old story, trying to get the tabloids to help out with a fishing expedition. http://dly.st/1brJFaW ***************************************** DANDY CLASH. Men's experiences, advice and opinions. Blogs & Videos on sex, men's issues, dating, fashion, politics and more. Visit http://www.dandyclash.com and check out the videos on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/dandyclash ****************************************** >> Kate shady << Humble pie in the sky Kate Humble seems lovely on the telly, doesn't she? But we hear you'd be wise not to cross her, as she is a master of passive- aggression. Someone who was working with Kate began to notice a certain frostiness in her attitude towards him. He still can't remember exactly what he might have done, but he got the sneaking suspicion that he had somehow pissed her off. His suspicions were confirmed when, on a domestic flight in Africa, Kate had her entire crew upgraded to First Class. Everyone, that is, except for him - who was forced to sit alone in economy, presumably to think about what he had done. ****************************************** RUBBERBANDITS, getting great review for Continental Fistfight at Soho Theatre. Don't know them? http://bit.ly/MuKp8S Now til 22 Feb. Quote "YOKES" when booking to get special popbitch discount: http://bit.ly/13nhSKq ****************************************** >> Popbits << The Metal edition Wondered what Haddaway's up to? Sneaky liking for What Is Love? Enjoy German death metal? Boy, are you in luck! Metallers Emergency Gate have got together with Haddaway. AND they're going to be playing European festivals this summer. This is What Is Love as it was meant to sound. Probably. http://bit.ly/1gP4mFh ------------------------------------------ X Factor pop-poppet Eoghan Quigg is one of the five Irish Eurosong contestants and the bookies' favourite. ------------------------------------------ >> Doner scandal << Ed's second career With Lord Rennard and Nick Clegg drawing a lot of attention to the Lib Dems, and the current tube strike making tory Boris rather unpopular, the Labour party has had it pretty easy this last week. Easy enough that Ed Miliband has had the time to open up a kebab shop in Mumbai though? Because it certainly seems like it... http://bit.ly/1isUcHm ------------------------------------------ Rylan has been claiming at GAY that Geri4Eurovision is a done deal. It can't be true. Even BBC Eurovision bosses aren't that dim. (Please...) ------------------------------------------ >> Touchdown (there) << Crywanking in Colorado Pornhub is one of the biggest free porn sites on the internet. But what happens when American men have other things on their minds, such as the Superbowl? Well, in Denver and Seattle (the home towns of the teams involved) there was a massive drop off of usage - more than 50%. In Seattle, this drop continued long after the game. In Denver? It shot right back up - way above and beyond the average. So, what they say is true: If your team loses, you really are a wanker. http://bit.ly/1fvAPLu ****************************************** Checkout the cheekiest Valentines and the rudest card and gifts plus enter code SMOOCHYTITS and save 15pct innit: http://brainboxcandy.com ****************************************** >> Hmms << Fine wine, grim meals, monkeys Fish-out-of-Marillion's recently extracted molar. http://bit.ly/N3Znne Do Cambridge colleges who spend most on wine get the best results? http://econ.st/1kdWz4y The best of bad Wikipedia: http://citationneeded.tumblr.com/ "Space docking with Nigel Farage": http://bit.ly/1cXCDPr Local news story of the week: http://bit.ly/1bvIx9l Clubbing monkey: http://bit.ly/1cXC2Ny >> Stuff about Popbitch << * Email us stories, gossip, otter pics: hello@popbitch.com * Subscribe or unsubscribe here: http://www.popbitch.com * Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd. * Mail by aysabtu ******************************************* Thanks to: SK, mountstnobody, JB, Ulysses DeepStoat, CMH, TK, BD, SG, JE, Lenorman, T, SW, theabominablehoman Thanks to everyone who wrote in tell us we don't know our opossums from our elbow - there are other marsupials found outside Australasia - such as the Monito del Monte in South America: http://bit.ly/1dsnJMu ******************************************* Old Jokes Home: My Granddad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed... "It's worth spending money on good speakers." Still Bored: In LA and want to play a stoner? With Jack Whitehall? http://bit.ly/1gNg838
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The Ms Education of Lauryn Hill
****************************************** Never drink bad coffee again! Pact Coffee will send you a 250g bag for just ONE POUND with free P&P, a saving of 5.95GBP - use code pbcoffee now at http://www.pactcoffee.com - future bags 6.95GBP, delivered when you need them. ***************************************** "I wish I was still poor and unknown" - James Arthur ------------------------------------------ POPBITCH _ _ _ _ _ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__ | '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \ | |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | | | .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_| |_| |_| 13.02.14 ISSUE 677 Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe go to http://www.popbitch.com To send stories email: hello@popbitch.com * Morrissey's slender hooves * Vic Reeves' shit jokes * Charts: Zedd v Clean Bandit for no 1 ------------------------------------------ >> Bad crop << Missing the bigger picture It was nice of the Lambeth Weekender newspaper to run a piece on local-boy-done-good Chiwetel Ejiofor for his Oscar nominated performance in 12 Years A Slave. Slightly less nice of them to illustrate the piece with a picture of Ejiofor's right sleeve though, and the face of co-star Dwight Henry. http://bit.ly/1gyi37h FYI: Ejiofor went to the same school as Nigel Farage. ------------------------------------------ Press Release of The Week: 3% of marriage proposals happen in a car. (Thanks to the AA for this crucial survey). ------------------------------------------ >> Twitty banter << Morons on the internet It's been quite a week for petty celeb squabbles on Twitter. First up, Frankie Cocozza decided to lose his last remaining fans by imprinting an indelibly awful image in everyone's heads ("@JodieMarsh I never said I fucked you Jodie... I said that I fingered you. See I didn't lie mate.") Then we were treated to some of James Arthur's sexting after one woman got so tired of his gruesome advances she decided to publish. James handled the situation with all the grace of a tazered bear. Even the editor of Channel 4 News failed to elevate the discourse. After hearing Sky's Adam Boulton liken the show's multi-presenter set-up to the Muppet Show, Ben de Pear took to Twitter with this eloquent riposte: "IF Jon's co hosts r Muppets (they're not)u lot r Fraggle Rock. Don't remember them? Exactly". ------------------------------------------ Correction: SA writes re Kitchener's ship being hit by a mine in 1916, "as the mine was tethered and the ship moving it was probably the other way round". ------------------------------------------ >> Name checking << The Ms Education of Lauryn Hill Lauryn Hill is out of prison and lining up a summer of festival gigs. Journalists who want to write about them are being advised of one very, very important detail. Don't call her Lauren Hill. Seriously. It has to be Ms Lauryn Hill. And only Ms Lauryn Hill. ------------------------------------------ Laurie Penny turned down Celebrity Big Brother. Obviously a woman with much more sense than is initially apparent. ------------------------------------------ >> Big Questions << Who wants to know what? Which party-loving Brit actor once looked so unkempt coming back into the UK that he was given a proper welcome by border staff... which ended up with him having a rubber-gloved hand up his arse? ------------------------------------------ Puerile Olympics: Bronze: Our old friend, Andreas Wank; Silver: Semen Pavlichenko, Gold medal so far: Satoshi Sakashita. ------------------------------------------ >> Toilet humour << The smell of Reeves & Mortimer Ever wonder where Vic Reeves gets his ideas? In the first episode his latest BBC2 series, House Of Fools, Vic made a joke about Matt Berry shitting in a kettle. It reminded us of this Big Question from popbitch issue 300: "Which ex-lawyer comedian once disgraced himself in a hotel room by defecating in a kettle?" Now, we're not accusing Vic of nicking our ideas. Quite the contrary, in fact. We imagine he probably got it direct from the source... Bob Mortimer. ------------------------------------------ Liam Gallagher was spotted at Shoreditch House last weekend. It appeared to be just him and his bodyguard Observers said he looked sad. ------------------------------------------ >> Stock trade << It's all gravy Richard Hillgrove - the man known to most journalists as "that weird guy who persistently emailed about Nigella's nosecandy and Charles Saatchi's innocence" is now wading into another celebrity marriage scandal. Who is he choosing to pester everyone about this time? Erm, Loose Woman and mum from the Oxo ads - Lynda Bellingham. Fingers crossed he'll be emailing everyone four times a week again to tell us all about it. ------------------------------------------ Rizzo off of Grease is 70 today! ------------------------------------------ >> Pwoper haughty << Dyer gets into highbrow haikus Is there no limit to Danny Dyer's talents? His readings of haikus will warm any heart: http://bit.ly/1bP6fKC ------------------------------------------ Morrissey has surprisingly small feet for his height, "like slender hooves". ------------------------------------------ >> Precious metal << Mini Girlschool from Japan Metal is definitely having a moment. After finding Haddaway back and touring with Emergency Gate we're now obsessing about Babymetal, a Japanese group of three schoolgirls. Melding J Pop and heavy rock and kawaii styling, now even the nonces who don't like pop music have something to listen to: http://bit.ly/1fjpb59 FYI: If you missed the new version of Haddaway's What Is Love: http://bit.ly/1gP4mFh ------------------------------------------ Tommy Wiseau (The Room) was asked the Badger v Baboon question. He went badger. He didn't give a reason. ------------------------------------------ >> Gift Aid << Charity commissioned Journalists and fashionistas have been invited to the Mayfair Hotel tonight to attend an auction, hosted by Mary Portas, of designer, hand-painted scarves for Save The Children, and to meet Julien MacDonald and Joan Collins. So: * A hotel where rooms start at 300 quid a night... * A TV celebrity whose retail image, thanks to a series of business misfortunes, is in dire need of a makeover.. * Super-lux accessories... * A fashion designer with a catwalk show to promote in two days' time and... * An actress best known for playing a billionaire capitalist bitch on 80s TV. Who better to solve the plight of the world's poorest kids! ------------------------------------------ Last weekend a rumour swept Eurovision fansites that the Honeyz were lined up for the UK entry... ------------------------------------------ >> Hmms << An oral history of Shirley Temple Happy Valentine's Day: http://endlesspornokisses.com/ Retro Winter Olympics: http://youtu.be/wMIErbpN_ys Who the Government's Coding for Kids campaign really benefits, plus one of the most car-crash Newsnight interviews of all time: http://bit.ly/1gyj8vN Shirley Temple and The Melvins: http://bit.ly/1bOWHQ2 Cockwatching in NYC: http://nyti.ms/1kEf1TW Local news of the week: http://bit.ly/1ev156w Best named tree surgeons? http://bit.ly/1nvHkRv The wankiest Flappy Bird essays written this week: http://flappybirdthinkpieces.tumblr.com/ News UK vs Andrew Mitchell http://bit.ly/1evlRD0 >> Stuff about Popbitch << * Email us stories, gossip, otter pics: hello@popbitch.com * Subscribe or unsubscribe here: http://www.popbitch.com * Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd. * Mail by aysabtu ******************************************* Thanks to: Gerry, JE, posh_duckhunter, JE, NJ, abominablehoman, AP, ulysses, SD, ______ , ******************************************* Old Jokes Home: I feared my wife had Tourette's, so I took her to see a psychiatrist. The good news? She's not got it. The bad news? I am a cunt and she does want me to fuck off. Still Bored: Sesame Street Fighter: http://flavourmachine.com/sesamefighter/
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Dr Gay Hitler will see you now…
***************************************** Popbitch Quiz is back! 12 March. Camden Roundhouse... more details coming soon. Register your interest now at hello@popbitch.com. ***************************************** "I do think the upper middle-class ladies stay lecherous, to the point of death. Well, that is my experience anyway. And I have been had by a few" - Tom Baker ------------------------------------------ POPBITCH _ _ _ _ _ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__ | '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \ | |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | | | .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_| |_| |_| 20.02.14 ISSUE 678 Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe go to http://www.popbitch.com To send stories email: hello@popbitch.com * Kay Burley's indefinite deadline * Piers Morgan's shaky recollections * Charts: Sam Smith is number one ------------------------------------------ >> It's only a name << Greeting Derek Beckman Ten years ago, when Brand Beckham first tried to make it across the Atlantic, they turned up at a big Hollywood lunch only to find themselves introduced as "Victoria and Derek". Since then there's been the LA Galaxy era, so surely things are different for David now? Well, not quite. At the press conference to announce his plans to one day, maybe, have a soccer franchise in Miami, Mayor of Miami-Dade, Carlos Gimenez, welcomed his honoured guest... "David Beckman!" FYI: This is the least of his worries. The Miami-Dade ethics commission is investigating Beckham and friends for possibly breaching lobbying rules: http://hrld.us/MDvEkF ------------------------------------------ London Fire Brigade blames the rise in number of chip pan fires in the capital on "Heston Blumenthal endorsing posh chips on TV". ------------------------------------------ >> Cockwatching << In the Harsh light of day Spotted at the Matthew Williamson after-party at Whisky Mist - Jodie Harsh clomping into the men's toilets, only to be stopped by the attendant informing him that the women's bogs were elsewhere. Harsh replied, "But I'm a bloke, darlin'" The attendant was having none of it, "No, I'm sorry, you need to use the ladies toilets. Women aren't allowed in here." To which the drag DJ suggested, "Shall I show you my cock, love?" And that shut him up. ------------------------------------------ Must have been a shock for fashionistas Anna Wintour, Jourdan Dunn and Kendall Jenner to find the London storms divert their plane to Newcastle. ------------------------------------------ >> Big Questions << Who wants to know what? Which property-porn TV presenter has been giving his production crew the giggles because of his habit of always wearing too-tight trousers? He appears blissfully unaware that, under the bright TV lights, everyone can see the outline of his cock. ------------------------------------------ Get well soon Wattie out-of-The Exploited, who had a heart attack on stage in Portugal this week. ------------------------------------------ >> Video nastiness << Stitched up like a Ukipper Desperate to find dirt with which to smear UKIP's candidate ahead of the Wythenshawe and Sale East byelection, the Mail on Sunday revealed that John Bickley had shockingly been MD of CIC Video, who "distributed erotic titles such as Mandingo: A Story of Forbidden Passion in the Deep South"! Indeed it did. CIC, or Cinema International Corporation, was the UK distributor for all titles produced by Paramount and Universal in the 1980s and 90s - which makes Bickley equally responsible for such depraved top-shelf offerings as The Godfather, Back to the Future, Airplane! and Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. ------------------------------------------ Modern parenting. American Pie actor Jason Biggs' wife took to Twitter after giving birth. "Sid Biggs. Full head of hair, huge penis, 10k twitter followers. #babybiggs". ------------------------------------------ >> Oh, Kay... << The bookworm has turned Sky News queen Kay Burley may not want to know just how many of her unsold books are clogging up a warehouse near Aylesbury. The budding writer is ploughing on though, wanting HarperCollins to give her the deadline for her next novel. "No rush" appears to be the party line at the publishers. ------------------------------------------ At his book signing in Manchester, Jeremy Paxman opened the session by reading a war poem about poo. (By AP Herbert.) ------------------------------------------ >> Making Jimmy history << Piers Morgan's memory tricks Nice piece in the Evening Standard this week, showing Piers Morgan's commitment to truth and honesty: Piers Morgan - Mail On Sunday 2009 "As I left, Jimmy Savile came up to me. 'Your TV shows are BRILLIANT!' he exclaimed....I've always loved Jimmy Savile." Piers Morgan - Mail on Sunday, 2012: "The Jimmy Savile scandal grows more horrific by the minute... I never met him ..." ------------------------------------------ In December, 93 million people played Candy Crush Saga every day. ------------------------------------------ >> Holden on: dieting << Two very different stories Very much enjoyed Amanda Holden's diet tips in the celebrity glossies this week. * OK! - "Are you strict with your diet Amanda?" "No!" * Closer - "Insiders say Amanda has been on a strict low-carb diet." * Amanda's tip to OK! - "Eat lots of butter and drink red wine." * Closer - "A friend says she's been avoiding carbs and alcohol." * Amanda to OK! - "I've just started a new yoga class. It's called Kundalini... I thought it was amazing. But I'm not anal about it, I don't do it every week." * Closer - "She's very committed to working out with her personal trainer - and she runs a lot too." Well, that's cleared that up. ------------------------------------------ The Perils of press day: OK! on the imminent birth of Eric Phillip Cowell. "A close friend of the couple revealed "the favourite name for the baby is Simon... it looks like Eric will be the middle name." ------------------------------------------ >> Hackers' delight << From the court this week * Senior Met Police figures like Yates and Hayman were keeping News of the World editor Colin Myler in the loop on police action. * Gordon Brown was keeping Rebekah Brooks in the loop about the Media Select Committee action. * Tony Blair was advising Brooks. All of which puts two thoughts in our heads. 1. Wonder what gave News of the World any impression they might be a bit above the law? 2. Good job that the 5million pound public inquiry set up to look at all this just focused on the role of the media, rather than politicians and press, eh? ------------------------------------------ From the Circleville Herald, in Ohio; "Dr. Gay Hitler, son of George Washington Hitler, was a local dentist, serving our community from 1922 through 1946". ------------------------------------------ >> Hmms << Metal, bunnies, Hue and Cry In honour of the Team GB bronze medal, here's cat curling: http://bit.ly/MeoCSC Do you want to know how to castrate a hippo? http://bit.ly/NdIW7h Dinner deconstructed: http://cooksuck.com De La Soul gave away their music for free last weekend. Pirated copies: http://bit.ly/1gZBWWb "How Aloe Blacc outfoxed Simon Fuller": http://bit.ly/1md9Ybw Edward Snowden joins Winnie Mandela, Ross Kemp and the singer out of Hue and Cry, whose writing career is detailed here: http://bit.ly/1dQZPzh Gun Of The Black Sun - the haunted Nazi revolver thriller (starring Ian Wright) is now available to watch for free: http://bit.ly/1fBTOCT Japanese indie-metal. It's worth watching all the way through: http://bit.ly/1mdnBYf Girl v rabbits v Chas 'n' Dave: http://bit.ly/NdRyLc Action movie baddie Richard Lynch's last film up in full on youtube: http://bit.ly/1jSzIvf >> Stuff about Popbitch << * Email us stories, gossip, otter pics: hello@popbitch.com * Subscribe or unsubscribe here: http://www.popbitch.com * Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd. * Mail by aysabtu ******************************************* Thanks to: Monstris, DJ, AM, TheBeeKeeper, JS, CMH, SS, MT, SG, DW, F, mountstnobody, abominablehoman, AM, GO, DW, SD ******************************************* Old Jokes Home: "I'm calling from the anagram society, you'll have to rearrange your interview." "No problem, it's 'view true irony'." "OK, you're in!" Still Bored: The very, very best bit of Eurovision so far in 2014: http://bit.ly/1hy9yxK
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Desperately Sikhing Sunny
****************************************** Drink great coffee at home or at your desk without spending a small fortune on each cup! Pact Coffee will send you a 250g bag for just ONE POUND with free P&P, a saving of 5.95GBP - use code "lovecoffee" now. Future bags 6.95GBP, delivered when you need them: http://www.pactcoffee.com ****************************************** "The football world has been very good to me. I can't think of anybody I would've liked to have met and haven't. What a humble man Pele is" - Richard Keys ------------------------------------------ POPBITCH _ _ _ _ _ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__ | '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \ | |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | | | .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_| |_| |_| 27.02.14 ISSUE 679 Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe go to http://www.popbitch.com To send stories email: hello@popbitch.com * David Shayler's Tube Tales * Brown-nosing Piers Morgan * Charts: Pharrell back at number one? ------------------------------------------ >> Sunny and shite << Don't Menschn the Muslims! Never one to keep a dignified silence when there's names to be dropped or points to be scored, Louise Mensch decided to tweet her opinions, in the wake of the Lee Rigby verdict, of who she considers to be quintessential British Muslims. Blogger-turned-journalist Sunny Hundal made Louise's short list - to great surprise. Partly because Sunny's a leftie. But mostly because he's Sikh. ------------------------------------------ The British Library shop sells a black and white postcard of a young Martin Amis. Amis went in to buy a whole stack of them. ------------------------------------------ >> Ex Factor << I Can't Sing can't sell? After the demise of the latest Lloyd-Webber musical, Stephen Ward, great things are expected of "The X Factor Musical", I Can't Sing. But behind the scenes it's not all good. Preview shows have been cancelled due to "technical issues". Or something. Ticket sales have been pretty awful. And have you noticed that the "X Factor" branding has quietly been removed from the posters and marketing? Author Harry Hill's recent TV and big screen forays have flopped and Nigel Harman's disastrous National TV Awards taster hasn't helped. Rumours in the camp also suggest his relationship with co-producer Simon Cowell is a wee bit rocky, thanks to some kind of snubbed record deal years back. Even musical behemoths like A Chorus Line and Wizard of Oz didn't manage to make it work at the Palladium, so when this goes tits up (and it may not that be long to wait), that might be it for the theatre and musicals, and it will return to year-round variety programming. ****************************************** POPBITCH POPQUIZ - special night at MADE, at CAMDEN ROUNDHOUSE. 5GBP per ticket, 7-9pm - WEDS 12th MARCH. Hosted by Tom Webb with live pop accordion from Will. Email: hello@popbitch.com for ticket info. ****************************************** >> Big Questions << Who wants to know what? Which Brit TV turned Hollywood movie comedian showed a strange lack of humour when filming at the skate park on London's Southbank? He was heard screaming "Are you talking to me, fuckface?" loudly at a member of the public - who, we're guessing, must have shouted something like "Oi, ginger!" ------------------------------------------ John Kettley is still a weatherman! He's the private forecaster for Cheltenham racecourse. ------------------------------------------ >> Moonpig dot bomb << The weird world of online cards What links child porn users and terrorists? According to some London-based web coders it's moonpig.com. In the age of massive internet surveillance it seems that some of the people who use the net for nefarious purposes have turned to making greetings cards to share images that they may not want others to see, as they seem to think that images are unlikely to be checked or logged by Moonpig. ------------------------------------------ Unexpected hacking trial hero: Ross Kemp, who was said to have taken one look at the "Bonkers Bruno" headline and said "What is that, what are you doing?" ------------------------------------------ >> Tube tales << A whole new world order SF writes: "Spotted - an unkempt David Shayler (not Delores), wearing dirty blue tracksuit bottoms and leather jacket, talking on the tube very loudly to a clearly embarrassed man in pinstripes, about how people ignoring the moral issues around slavery in the early 1800s is similar to our wilful ignorance around the '9/11 conspiracy'. "Sample quote "I used to think Tony Benn was a principled man. I gave him my film on 9/11. I asked him if he'd watched it and he said 'oh yes'. 'So, what did you think?' 'Very good'. So, are you going to raise it in parliament?' 'Oh no'." This apparently was symptomatic of the true political order." ------------------------------------------ Daily Telegraph birth notice of the week: "Grimston - to Gallia and Hugo, twin sons, Lorcan Sebastian and Hector Sylvester, brothers for Merlin". ------------------------------------------ >> Morgan's rum << A darker shade of brown Ben Winston - the man who directs James Corden and helps Gary Barlow with his "jokes" on X Factor - had his nose turned a third shade of brown this week when he jumped to the side of Piers Morgan. "I really like @piersmorgan show. Sounds like he has become a victim to his own brilliant anti gun campaign. No shame in that at all." And he'd be right. Except, of course, for the fact that Piers' ratings have always been terrible. Americans really haven't much cared for posho Brits telling them what's what with their country since 1776. ------------------------------------------ Harold Ramis, best known for directing Groundhog Day has died aged 69. Harold Ramis, best known for directing Groundhog Day has died aged 69. etc... ------------------------------------------ >> Europopbits << Dr Alban meets his waterloo Blink and you'd have missed the Dr Alban comeback. His piss-poor entry is already out of Sweden's Eurovision contest. The good news, however, is that old troupers, Alcazar, and last year's incredible Manga-boy, Yohio are through to the Melodifestivalen final. http://bit.ly/1cbqMPy FYI: Girl power - at this year's Melodifestivalen, at least 20% of the selected entries had to be written by female composers/lyricists in a full or partial capacity. FYI 2: Latvia are looking to be this year's hipster entry with a ukelele-led busking song about baking. http://bit.ly/1cbqMPy ------------------------------------------ Eurovision fans say this is the video call for the UK Eurovision choice. (Their money is currently on Nina Nesbitt, btw) http://bit.ly/1jDdydR ------------------------------------------ >> Feeling blue << When good pop goes bad Can we put an end once and for all now to the trend for taking great pop songs and slowing them down to a busker's kind of acoustic drone to sound more authentic? The bloke who won Ireland's version of The Voice is doing Eiffel 65's Blue (Da Ba Di). Surely we've reached the end of the line? ------------------------------------------ Warner Music Norway says that What The Fox Say has sold more than three million copies around the world. ------------------------------------------ >> Hmms << Keys, cock, balls Play the theremin: http://femurdesign.com/theremin/ Namedropper of the year - Richard Keys? http://bit.ly/1hs3NP1 Westminster wiki: http://bzfd.it/1pxYdPr Local news story of the week: http://bit.ly/1cbXTmg Drawing cock 'n' balls. Every day: http://elitedai.ly/MxZWV2 My next TV format? http://bit.ly/1fWs6B1 Anyone want to be an Etiquette Teacher? http://bit.ly/MxZNB7 >> Stuff about Popbitch << * Email us stories, gossip, otter pics: hello@popbitch.com * Subscribe or unsubscribe here: http://www.popbitch.com * Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd. * Mail by aysabtu ******************************************* Thanks to: Monstris, SG, AD, JB, Secrets of Voodoo. lucydrawbridge, posh_duckhunter, JE, DW, Deep_Stoat, mountstnobody, M, fluornaut, KR, ulysses ******************************************* Old Jokes Home: A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: 'I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.' Still Bored: Dear Borthwick Institute, one of the Aero Girls you are trying to find is the painter, Rose Wylie. Email us, hello@popbitch.com for info: http://bit.ly/1fLkdlJ
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Get Downes On It
****************************************** First PB Quiz of 2014 - at the Roundhouse in Camden! Next Wednesday, 12 March. Only a fiver per person - great deals on food and drink available. AMAZING new quiz rounds - a few tables left bring your colleagues or mates: 30GBP - table for 6, 20GBP - for 4: http://bit.ly/1favPtW ****************************************** "Scientology has given me the tools I need to survive. That's a fact." - John Travolta "Nobody is Superman or Wonder Woman" - Ritchie Neville ------------------------------------------ POPBITCH _ _ _ _ _ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__ | '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \ | |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | | | .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_| |_| |_| 06.03.14 ISSUE 680 Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe go to http://www.popbitch.com To send stories email: hello@popbitch.com * Bono - total tool * New PB iPad mag - finally! * Charts: Route 94 is new no 1 ------------------------------------------ >> Cat-y Perry << Pop star loves her pussy Is Katy Perry turning into the new Mariah? A make-up artist on a photo shoot with Perry in LA says she wouldn't get changed for it until some kittens were brought to the studio for her to play with. ------------------------------------------ Congratulations to S Club Juniors' Daisy, who has just had a baby with footballer, Jonjo Shelvey. Daisy was a News of the World "Score Angel" glamour model. ------------------------------------------ >> iPod delusion << Bono's bad at presents Malala Yousafzai recently made an appearance on the author's platform at the Emirates Festival of Literature. She recounted that Bono had given her an iPod. Loaded just with U2 tracks. FYI: Sadly for the Irish band, Malala is a Belieber. ------------------------------------------ Terry Gilliam is resurrecting his much- failed project, The Man Who Killed Don Quixote, in Fuerteventura, where Ridley Scott just filmed his Moses epic, Exodus. ------------------------------------------ >> Big Questions << Who wants to know what? Which A-list Brit actor is having a secret affair with a married woman? Hacks are wondering if they will try to make a go of it or if he is just stringing her along. ------------------------------------------ Seeing as so many of you asked, last week's Big Question was Simon Pegg. ------------------------------------------ >> Taking the Michael << Don't always listen to your PRs A red-top story on taking cocaine seems to have done what a rape trial couldn't - derail the career of Corrie Kev. But behind the scenes the tabloid can't quite believe it got the story it did. Someone at the Sunday Mirror was having a conversation with Michael Le Vell's ex girlfriend, from whom he split after the trial. She mentioned they wouldn't be getting back together, blaming booze and drugs. Pricking up their ears, they got her to sign a statement saying he had been taking cocaine. Armed only with this, the Sunday Mirror approached Le Vell's people expecting a denial. But Le Vell's advisers panicked and instead got the client to 'fess up. Short term - a bit of money earned in red-top stories. Long term, could it be bye bye 30-year Corrie career? ------------------------------------------ Martina Cole is the most read author in prison. ------------------------------------------ >> Picture perfect << Garages of the great and good CT writes: "I was leaving the famous Grenadier pub in Mayfair last night. The pub is close to Martin Sorrell's house and, as we left, his garage door opened and a young girl walked out, taking his very nice Red Setter dog for a walk. The light was on in the garage so we sneaked a peak inside. "Martin has four big pictures on the wall of his garage. All big portraits of himself." ****************************************** >> Popbitch for iPads << It's here! Popbitch: The Magazine is here! Issue One "Tears For Piers" is available in Apple Newsstand now for just GBP 1.99, and you can support its future by subscribing for the year at 25GBP: * Harry, My Cat Died - 1D fans seem fun * Franco V Culkin: Who's the real artist? * A wine-soaked interview between two of the hacking trial court reporters. PLUS loads more - check Hmmms for tasters. http://bit.ly/1bexc8Y ****************************************** >> One last bite << Farewell, Blunter Edge A couple of years back we recounted an exchange between Observer food critic Jay Rayner and an octogenarian reader "Blunter Edge" who took Rayner to task on a piece he wrote about slow eaters. http://bit.ly/1hME43Z Well, RIP octogenarian slow eater - the painter, Roy Oxlade. Rayner's sister paper, The Guardian, carried this rather nice obituary of him: http://bit.ly/1or7Ko4 ------------------------------------------ If you are from San Marino you are a Sammarinese. ------------------------------------------ >> Get Downes on it << Eurovision Round-up GOOD NEWS: The BBC have stopped sending pensioners to represent us and chosen the voice of Sash's club hit, Raindrops. You can't fault singer Molly's voice, but we're not quite sure about the 1970s "Power to the People" refrain. The good news is that it's in Eb minor - close to the most successful Eurovision key. EVEN BETTER NEWS: Azerbaijan have chosen to send their fabulous Shirley Bassey channelling chef. EVEN EVEN BETTER NEWS: France voted for hipsters, Moustache. PREDICTABLE NEWS: San Marino (who've been repped by Valentina Monetta for the last two years) have chosen this year's entry... Valentina Monetta! NOT SO PREDICTABLE NEWS: Spain picked X Factor's Ruth Lorenzo. FISHY NEWS: In Romania's national final, Vaida scored more votes than the other 11 contestants combined. But when the juries' vote came in, they lost to the act everyone said would win, previous contestants Paula and Ovi. SEE ALL HERE: http://bit.ly/MQ8Ptk ------------------------------------------ Kasper, the spin doctor from Borgen, is presenting Eurovision this year. ------------------------------------------ >> Millennial old gold << Macaulay Culkin and the prawn When Macaulay Culkin was performing in Madame Melville at London's Vaudeville Theatre in 2000, he carried a list of foods with him which he was told would keep him looking young. He used to eat at a Thai restaurant near the theatre, but the only two things on his list which he could order there were broccoli and prawns. So he ate them every night for three weeks. More Culkin? http://bit.ly/1bexc8Y ------------------------------------------ POPBITCH QUIZ, next Wednesday, Camden: Buy table for 4 here (there are 5 left) http://bit.ly/1ccn7AK Other tickets and table sizes: http://bit.ly/1favPtW ------------------------------------------ >> Hmms << Goats, Katona, owl FROM THE POPBITCH MAGAZINE: Economies Of Mail - Why the mailonline isn't quite the money-making behemoth we've been led to believe: http://bit.ly/1kAfmHH Ah, the actor's life! http://castingcallwoe.tumblr.com/ Goats in sweaters: http://bit.ly/1c9DuOi Irritable Owl Syndrome - Buy the T shirt here: http://bit.ly/1cuBQY9 FROM THE POPBITCH MAGAZINE: Kerry Katona's Taste In Men - An illustrated guide: http://bit.ly/1hOFtYm A work-out for your tongue (clean your screen before use): http://lickthisapp.com Pastor basically tells his congregation, "God's putting it in now": http://bit.ly/Nwu4l2 FROM THE POPBITCH MAGAZINE: Kamaliya - one of Ukraine's biggest popstars - sends us a dispatch from Kyiv: http://bit.ly/MPZAJC Buy the Popbitch iPad magazine: http://bit.ly/1bexc8Y >> Stuff about Popbitch << * Email us stories, gossip, otter pics: hello@popbitch.com * Subscribe or unsubscribe here: http://www.popbitch.com * Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd. * Mail by aysabtu ******************************************* Thanks to: poshduckhunter, SP, LH, CT DJ, JE, JB, T, Meow, GO, danceswithmustelids, ******************************************* Old Jokes Home: A drunk bloke walks past a man repairing a car. "What's up?" says the drunk. "Piston broke", says the mechanic. "Ha ha" answers the drunk, "Me too!" Still Bored: A novel about lawyers: http://lawyersanodyssey.wordpress.com
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The Bob Crow Disco
****************************************** Racing's top jumps race is the Gold Cup, at Cheltenham tomorrow. Stop everything at 3.20pm (it is a sunny Friday after all) and see if Bob's Worth can retain it. Back your favourite by opening an account with Boylesports & get a free matched bet: http://bit.ly/1erhGcr ****************************************** "I found that well-rounded boobs often meant a well-rounded personality." - Max Clifford ------------------------------------------ POPBITCH _ _ _ _ _ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__ | '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \ | |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | | | .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_| |_| |_| 13.03.14 ISSUE 681 Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe go to http://www.popbitch.com To send stories email: hello@popbitch.com * Paxman: Next level grouch! * Cheltenham Gold Cup fever! * Charts: DVBBS & Borgeous, new no 1 ------------------------------------------ >> HardCorps << Fit for a fiddle To commemorate the end of his marriage to Wendi Deng, Rupert Murdoch went to the doctor to see if his equipment was in full working order. Luckily for him - and the single ladies of Manhattan - it is! ------------------------------------------ Tom Daley was taking pictures of a friend using the urinals at the BFI. Said friend had dropped his trousers for the occasion. ------------------------------------------ >> Minnie Grouse << Driver's badly installed Minnie Driver has made quite an impression on the crew of her new American sitcom, About A Boy. They refer to her frequent tantrums as "Good Will Cunting". ------------------------------------------ Pulitzer Prize winning author Alice Walker writes her personal emails in blue Comic Sans. ------------------------------------------ >> Big Questions << Who wants to know what? How did Kate Adie really describe Co-op Bank's ex-CEO Euan Sutherland on New Zealand national radio this morning? Producers were keen to stress the word was "fatcat", but listeners swear that it sounded a lot like "fuckcunt". Listen: (at 4'30) http://bit.ly/1iE4Drh ------------------------------------------ Sri Lanka is searching for a new hangman. Their most recent recruit quit when he saw the gallows for the very first time. ------------------------------------------ >> Bad news << Dancing on Bob's grave? Every morning at Newsnight, an email goes round highlighting possible stories for the day. In it, they use a bit of in-house shorthand, calling a discussion between guests a "disco". Which prompted the unfortunate (but brilliant) line this week: "Bob Crow has died - Emily and Paul are chasing voices for a package - how's about a disco?" ------------------------------------------ Re last week's story, BobbiFleckman says: "Sir Martin Sorrell's Irish Setter is called Savage. And the young woman is the new Lady Sorrell (younger than his sons)." ------------------------------------------ >> Youth programming << Kane is pulling a Paloma Comedian Russell Kane was in the Sunday Times this weekend, talking about the decision to cut BBC3 and what an outrage it was to people in the consistently disregarded 18-34 demographic. In the interview he kept including himself in that demographic, saying 'us' and 'we' and 'our' a lot. "No-one listens to us... We're too busy 'neknominating'... We have a very quiet voice." etc Which is weird, because Russell (despite what Wikipedia and most newspaper articles about him would suggest) is actually 38. FYI: Russell, it might be worth looking into changing your name by deed poll to "Russell Kane, 33". "Professor" Jonathan Shalit swears by it. ****************************************** >> Gold Cup << 3.20pm on Channel 4 Who to back? Our tips for the festival have been dire. So we're due a winner. Er, probably: * Gold Cup is most often won by a horse aged seven to nine. * Doing well at Cheltenham is a good indicator * Not many horses win two in a row Last year's winner, Bob's Worth (9) Won five times at Cheltenham, but would be only the eighth horse in history to win it more than once. Silviniaco Conti (8), was going brilliantly in last year's race until he fell, but has never won at Cheltenham The Giant Bolster (9) has been second and fourth, so a good e/w bet. Last Instalment (9) owned by Ryanair's Michael O'Leary. Trainer has been up in court charged with possessing "banned substances". Would be the least welcome winner for racing authorities - so got to be in with a chance! Open an account with Boylesports and get a free matched bet, up to 50 quid: http://bit.ly/1erhGcr ****************************************** >> Paxo snuffing << Meddling with the Middle East More from the Emirates Festival of Literature. Jeremy Paxman was there and was predictably grumpy. After doing an interview with one woman from a local radio station, she asked him to sign a book for her husband. Paxman's inscription? "All the best for the future with your annoying wife". ------------------------------------------ Too many celeb trials to keep up with? We're following: @peterjukes (hacking), @tompeck (Pistorius) @joshhalliday (Evans), @dannyshawbbc (Clifford). ------------------------------------------ >> Double vision << Familiar faces in Denmark This year's Eurovision is looking not unlike an episode of Stars In Their Eyes, with countries from all over the continent sending in their own-brand versions of popular pop superstars. We've mentioned already Belarus's Robin Thicke (who sings a song about getting all up in a lady's 'sweet cheesecake') but now they're all in on it. * Malta is sending a Mumford and Sons tribute act * Denmark is sending Bruno Mars on a bad day * Estonia is sending a low-key Lady Gaga * Greece is sending what might actually be the boys from Sam And The Womp See for yourself: http://bit.ly/1iDVG16 ------------------------------------------ UK Eurovision old boy Josh Dubovie has just started a seven month singing engagement on a cruise ship. ------------------------------------------ >> Hmms << Grindcore, wine, drag FROM THE POPBITCH MAGAZINE: Hacking trial reporters Peter Jukes and Adam Macqueen drink wine and discuss the current goings on at the Old Bailey: http://bit.ly/1fpqXS2 Warmongering world leaders, done up in drag: http://www.sainthoax.com/wdyo.html "Dear wine" - t shirt: http://bit.ly/1nRNUnH Animals. Sucking at jumping. (The raccoon is brilliant): http://bit.ly/N9nqQP Someone's made a Larry David themed grindcore album: http://larrydavidgrind.bandcamp.com Mark from TOWIE and Matt Cardle are finally joining forces: http://bit.ly/1ft8KYz One Direction ask fans to lobby against corporate tax avoidance, while the four non-Irish members of One Direction practice your classic tax 'efficiency' trick: http://ind.pn/1cQclk9 FROM THE POPBITCH MAGAZINE: A study of swearwords in rap, hip-hop and G-funk - Run DNA, A Search For The Original G-nome: http://bit.ly/1hPnZdK Cried watching The Notebook? Well, how about in an Adam Sandler film? Or The Birds II? http://bit.ly/1fqmJtt >> Stuff about Popbitch << * Email us stories, gossip, otter pics: hello@popbitch.com * Subscribe or unsubscribe here: http://www.popbitch.com * Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd. * Mail by aysabtu ******************************************* Thanks to: TP, ulysesses, SW, monstris, abominablehoman, meow, RS, CMH, JW, deep_stoat, celtiagirl, DJ, NF ******************************************* Old Jokes Home: RMT Union Leader, Bob Crow, has died. His family are asking for no questions from the press at this sad time. Plus two additional days off at Christmas. Still Bored: Popbitch Magazine for iPads. Try it: http://bit.ly/1bexc8Y
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Razorlight by Candlelight
****************************************** Not interested in cheaper booze and bingo? Save money on your coffee instead, by signing up today to try Pact Coffee, with your first bag for only ONE POUND. Use voucher code 'coffeelove' http://bit.ly/PAbWrO ****************************************** "Knowing a woman is enjoying herself enhances my own enjoyment and I have taken a personal pride in giving women pleasure" - Max Clifford ------------------------------------------ POPBITCH _ _ _ _ _ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__ | '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \ | |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | | | .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_| |_| |_| 20.03.14 ISSUE 682 Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe go to http://www.popbitch.com To send stories email: hello@popbitch.com * Gobbing off with Sharon Osbourne * Late night Razorlight * Charts: Duke Dumont is no 1 ------------------------------------------ >> Royal flush << A cheeky bit of information Clive Goodman, ex-royal editor for News of the World and convicted phone-hacker, has been in court this week giving evidence in the News International trial. Here's a royal scoop we got without hacking a phone: Prince Charles' self-confessed preferred direction of bum-wiping is... front to back! ------------------------------------------ Dubious Sympathies Of The Week - from the Rolling Stones' Facebook fan page: "Sympathies Mick. Suicide is a terrible thing. Hang in there." ------------------------------------------ >> Up the creek << Racist scrabble on the TV It's been a big week for fans of the offensive and racially- inflammatory slur "jigaboo". First Cheryl Cole gets her job back on The X Factor; then it made a surprise appearance on primetime BBC1 - in Friday's episode of Jonathan Creek. It was one of the words that made it on to the Scrabble board in the game between John Bird and June Whitfield. It appeared in quite obvious detail too - presumably in an attempt to alienate what was left of the series' dwindling audience. ------------------------------------------ 24 year-old Brit singer, Jess Glynne, is the first artist to have two number one singles in 2014 (Rather Be, My Love). ------------------------------------------ >> Big Questions << Who wants to know what? Which supposedly down-to-earth celebrity didn't really enjoy the experience of being in an NHS hospital to give birth? She had to be dissuaded from upping sticks and relocating to the Portland by her publicist, who was keen to reinforce her client's plebian credentials. ------------------------------------------ Skippys Fast Food restaurant in Molde, Norway, was terrorised by an injured otter last week. Locals say they are seeing more otter-related activity all the time. ------------------------------------------ >> Gobbing off << Extra special lip service Sharon Osbourne was in The Sun today saying again she wouldn't be a judge on X Factor this year, "I cannot go there... I can't..." We're pretty sure she means it. When the series ended last year Sharon was telling anyone who would listen that Simon Cowell would have to "lick her out for three weeks" before she'd even consider doing another. So it's probably a safe bet that she's not going back. ------------------------------------------ Nom Dem of the week: Southend's leading breastfeeding counsellor - Tracy Leak. ------------------------------------------ >> Funny business << Comedian leaves bad taste Canadian comic Russell Peters bombed pretty horribly at a GQ charity event last week, but that wasn't the only headache he caused the organisers. GQ's people had to plead with fellow comedians on the bill not to tweet about how Peters was showing people pictures of him with groupies on his phone. An understandable concern, given that the gig was a benefit in aid of women left vulnerable by human trafficking. And that wasn't the only gripe backstage. There was much muttering about how the charity might have ended up with a much bigger cheque than the 10 grand they pocketed had they not had to shell out for Peters' first-class transatlantic flights. ------------------------------------------ Martin Freeman's wife, Amanda Abbington, is selling a picture of her dog, Arthur. For 200 quid. Guess those money problems are not quite over. ------------------------------------------ >> Powerless << Razorlight by candlelight deep_stoat writes: "Johnny Borrell and his band, Razorlight, are at it again. "The good news - a power cut at the rehearsal studio means there's no electricity. "The bad news - the cunts are playing acoustic versions by candlelight. By fucking candlelight." ------------------------------------------ Someone at Wateraid forget to substitute the word "Mother's" into their Valentine's Day email marketing campaign this week. ------------------------------------------ >> Frisky business << We all owe Rebekah one Rebekah Brooks' time on the stand in court is over, and we were impressed at the number of big cheeses who lined up to personally help her through the News of the World closing - Blair, Murdoch, Mandelson etc... It was also nice to see Jeremy Clarkson's wife providing a character reference. Maybe she felt she owed her one. As we reported a couple of years back, when the News of the World were offered pictures of Jeremy and a blonde colleague getting frisky at a New Zealand hotel, Mrs Brooks bought them all up for the paper. And then never let them see the light of day. ------------------------------------------ Spotted at a celeb party last weekend Louise off Made in Chelsea. Not talking to anyone and eating food she'd brought herself (carrots, hummus, rice crackers) ------------------------------------------ >> Eurovision update << This year's front runner Anyone for Yerevan? This year's Eurovision entries are now out, and Armenia are the early hot favourites. It's a classy song - complete with huge dubstep breakdown. Wubs and dubs are very much to the fore this year - check out Hungary's rather good drum and bass, and Lithuania's electro. Hear them: http://bit.ly/1gUe2IF FYI: Hungary's Andras Kallay-Saunders is the son of Fernando Saunders, Lou Reed's bass player for the best part of 30 years. ------------------------------------------ Chess champion Magnus Carlsen has a bit of a mean streak. He will occasionally go to online chess sites using a beginner's account and demolish anyone who plays him. ------------------------------------------ >> Hmms << Hip-hop, Photoshop, wolfsong If sweary t-shirts are your thing, you might like these retro ones: http://bit.ly/1paeGGr Russell Brand is analysing the news: http://bit.ly/1g3TKk2 Oh, wait. Sorry. This is Russell Brand analysing the news: http://bit.ly/1iFWi8k A charity T-shirt signed by Damien Hirst and Griff Rhys Jones on ebay? Yes please! But what's that extra message at the top? http://ebay.eu/1dsFEE7 Best music video of 2014? Probably not: http://bit.ly/1dsGctI Wolf of Wall Street chest thump track http://vimeo.com/88762546 When it comes to asking internet strangers to help with PhotoShop, people just never learn: http://bit.ly/1fJmCt1 All your tarsier needs taken care of: http://i.imgur.com/rbiQX7T.gif >> Stuff about Popbitch << * Email us stories, gossip, otter pics: hello@popbitch.com * Subscribe or unsubscribe here: http://www.popbitch.com * Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd. * Mail by aysabtu ******************************************* Thanks to: FS, blessed_brian, meow, PJ, Keggykeegle, AP, abominablehoman, ST, bad_horsey, deep_stoat, MH, S, SW, danceswithmustelids, stanleyvandelinder, NG, CM, DR, anon, monstris, KC ******************************************* Old Jokes Home: I popped into Tesco today and nicked all the baguettes. It was a French stick up. Still Bored: Attacks on America, in film: http://bit.ly/1gKkzt8
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No Switch, Sherlock
****************************************** London Eurovision Party, Cafe de Paris, 13 April 2014. Featuring Austria's fabulous bearded lady, Conchita Wurst & Norway, UK, Greece etc. Tickets/info: http://www.londoneurovision.com ***************************************** "Certainly not freakishly small and certainly not enormous" - Richard Horwell QC, on Max Clifford's penis ------------------------------------------ POPBITCH _ _ _ _ _ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__ | '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \ | |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | | | .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_| |_| |_| 27.03.14 ISSUE 683 Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe go to http://www.popbitch.com To send stories email: hello@popbitch.com * Corden or Balding? * Flying high with Cumberbatch * Charts: 5 Seconds of Summer are no. 1 ------------------------------------------ >> Builder's Crack << Splitting up celebrity-style Gwyneth and Chris Martin's "conscious uncoupling" probably shouldn't have come as a huge surprise. The writing has been on the wall ever since they bought adjoining houses with the plan to knock through - but then never actually did so. Meaning that they could lead separate lives from the comfort of their own home(s). ------------------------------------------ At a crowded event recently James Corden was mistaken for Claire Balding. He wasn't impressed. ------------------------------------------ >> Setting the Barlow << James "Arg" has to re-brand Poor old James "Arg" Argent from TOWIE. While his mates have gone on to do more interesting celeb-y things (Joey went into the jungle; Amy refused to do a ski-jump on that show about ski-jumping; Mark made Britain's worst ever TV show Party Wright Around The World) Arg is still just Arg from TOWIE. In a sweetly self-deprecating way Arg tried to diffuse any comments about his longevity by referring to himself as "The Ken Barlow of TOWIE" but, given recent events, TV execs have quietly asked him to drop that moniker, and go with "The Ian Beale of TOWIE" instead. ****************************************** Last chance for this offer here: Pact Coffee will send you a 250g bag for just ONE POUND with free P&P, a saving of 5.95GBP - use code "fresh" now at http://bit.ly/1npodxR - future bags 6.95GBP, delivered when you need them. ***************************************** >> Big Questions << Who wants to know what? Which celebrity hardman enlivened a recent interview by bringing out a huge bowl of cocaine with the instruction "I've had my dinner, lads, tuck in!" ------------------------------------------ Roy Wood's real name is Ulysses. ------------------------------------------ >> Warming up << An actress prepares Nicole Kidman wasn't particularly popular on the set of her new film The Railwayman. On top of all the expected grumbles (she was rather aloof; she had exacting rules for everything, even including where and how her clothes should be laid out in wardrobe, etc...) there was one we'd never heard before. The crew claimed they couldn't film scenes too early on location in Scotland as Nicole's collagen fills needed time to warm up sufficiently so she could move her face properly. ------------------------------------------ Ken Bruce has a new car. It's a Silver Land Rover Freelander 2. ------------------------------------------ >> No switch, Sherlock << Getting Benny-dicked around Benedict Cumberbatch was on a flight when he told the purser he "wasn't comfortable" and wanted a different seat. Although it's hard to think that any first-class seat wouldn't be comfortable, the woman in the seat he wanted didn't mind and agreed to swap. A little later, Benny decided he preferred his original seat. Again, the woman swapped. Not being from the UK or the States, she had no idea who the passenger with ants- in-his-pants was so, emboldened by the free champagne, she asked him. The actor replied that he was the voice of the dragon in the Hobbit films and seemed somewhat put out when she burst out laughing. ------------------------------------------ Nom Dem of the week: the Fire Chief doing press briefings in Washington re the mudslide disaster is... Travis Hots. ------------------------------------------ >> Strange brew << Guardian gets more ridiculous Weirdest item in the Guardian yesterday, was an advert for one of their upcoming courses: "How To Launch An Independent Brewery" (Costing 99GBP, btw) Part two: "How To Organise A Piss-Up" seems to be as-yet unscheduled. ------------------------------------------ Selfies go post-modern - Newton Faulkner spotted taking one in front of a Newton Faulkner poster at the Roundhouse, Camden. ------------------------------------------ >> Championship scavenger << Warnock's posh fizz swizz The Nottingham Forest squad have at least one reason to be grateful that Neil Warnock just turned down the chance to become manager, now they're pushing for a place in the Championship play-offs. When Warnock was at Sheffield United, Ken Bates once dropped a crate of Dom Perignon off to the dressing room to help the club celebrate a promotion. But strangely the players never saw any of it... ------------------------------------------ Jim Culloty - who trained Cheltenham Gold Cup winner, Lord Windermere - is Tim Henman's cousin. ------------------------------------------ >> Greylords << Old better than young Anon writes: "You mentioned a new ITV show called Amazing Greys ("contestants go head to head with some of Britain's most talented pensioners") in a rather disparaging way. Well, turns out it's surprisingly watchable. But the show had a huge problem. The old folk kept on beating the young people. Constantly. Therefore they had to make the games easier and give the youngsters a head start option etc." ------------------------------------------ Happy Mondays' nutjob Rowetta was on BBC GMR's Red Wednesday show this week. It's fair to say she's no fan of David Moyes. ------------------------------------------ >> Hmms << Yoko, Judy, dogs Slogan t-shirt of the week: http://bit.ly/1hd3wjJ Bromley psychic says Crystal Palace will stay up and Arsenal won't win league. She used to be engaged to Arsene Wenger, too. Back in the 15th century. When he was heir to the French throne: http://bit.ly/1rEdQpH Judy Murray trolls Yoko Ono on Twitter: http://es.pn/1iD7LVF An excellent use of the cock 'n' balls drawing: http://bit.ly/1gEXiKQ Eddie Stobart Easter Egg? http://bit.ly/1rEdzmH Dogs react to magic: http://bit.ly/1gEX9Hm Mark Zuckerberg is a member of an 'Eliminating Desire' group on Facebook: http://on.fb.me/1duDsBq >> Stuff about Popbitch << * Email us stories, gossip, otter pics: hello@popbitch.com * Subscribe or unsubscribe here: http://www.popbitch.com * Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd. * Mail by aysabtu ******************************************* Thanks to: AP, SG, FS, S, CH, meow, LT, thebestnameshavegone, SW, mountstnobody, celtiagirl ******************************************* Old Jokes Home: An E-flat, a G-flat, and a B-flat walk in to a bar and the bartender says: "I'm sorry, we don't serve minors." Still Bored: How the cabinet office gave millionaire supermodel Lily Cole 200 grand of taxpayers' cash to set up a website where you write down your wishes: http://bit.ly/1rEdorh
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This! This! This!
****************************************** Grand National - Saturday Need some help choosing a horse or placing a bet? Follow our Grand National guide below. But here are six simple ways to make the right selection: http://bit.ly/1gsR1fs ***************************************** "I cried at my son's sports day, for God's sake. I'm a huge baby" - Jamie Redknapp ------------------------------------------ POPBITCH _ _ _ _ _ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__ | '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \ | |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | | | .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_| |_| |_| 03.04.14 ISSUE 684 Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe go to http://www.popbitch.com To send stories email: hello@popbitch.com * Grand National special * Nepotism's not dead * Charts: Aloe Blacc is number 1 ------------------------------------------ >> Katy Purry << Getting through kittens Katy Perry's diva demand of being given a kitten to play with at a recent LA photoshoot wasn't an isolated incident. She also did the same on set in the UK while filming a clip for a TV promo. When she was finished with the single kitten that the rider had managed to find, she announced that it was going spare and asked if anyone on set wanted it. One of the dancers offered to give it a home, but Perry said she could only take it on one condition: she had to name it after her new album. And so the cat was named Prism. (At least until it got home.) ------------------------------------------ One of the firms who arranged insurance for Gareth Bale's Real Madrid transfer made so much cash they took a year off. ------------------------------------------ >> Big Questions << Who wants to know what? Which members of the Wales squad, in the Hong Kong Rugby 7s last weekend managed to pull in a bar but then when they got back to her house was so drunk that "his performance was brief"? After which he went to the bathroom, shat all over the floor and then fell asleep in it. ------------------------------------------ Robin Thicke's dad composed the theme tune to Diff'rent Strokes. ------------------------------------------ >> How media works pt 247 << Nepotism is alive and well Jack and Finn Harries are the poster boys of youtube success. Their video channel, JacksGap, has millions of subscribers. They've done so well that they've just hired Freud communications to represent them. Jack and Finn's entry into the blogging/media business can't have been hurt by being the sons of top TV executive Andy Harries, and the grandchildren of playwright Michael Frayn. It's lucky for them they've found a highly suitable PR who'll no doubt understand their pathway to success in Jack Freud, nephew of Freuds boss, Matthew, and great-great grandson of Sigmund. ------------------------------------------ Rickmansworth celebrated this week when Mel C chose one of its tattoo parlours to get a large feather incorporated into the Celtic band tattoo on her right bicep. ------------------------------------------ >> Superinjustice << What might have been... Back in 2011 we were excited to join up with the horse racing authority's Racing For Change project, and get a Popbitch racehorse. We chose a two-year old filly to run on the flat, and called her Superinjunction. Another group taking part was TV's Soccer AM. They got a promising hurdler. Within a few months we discovered a tiny flaw in our plans for Superinjunction. She didn't like racing. Certainly not racing as fast as the other horses around her. So she retired and went back to her breeders. Soccer AM's lease finished, but the hurdler was turned into a chaser. His name? Teaforthree. And tomorrow he starts favourite for the Grand National. ****************************************** ******* Grand National Section *********** The Grand National is on C4, 4.15 Saturday. >> How to Pick Your horse << (if you want to pick a horse) 1. WITH THE RACING POST EXPERTS Bet with your head this Grand National - get the FREE, simple to use Racing Post app for expert tips and easy-peasy betting. IPHONE: http://bit.ly/rp_iphone ANDROID: http://bit.ly/rpandroid OTHER: http://bit.ly/rpFREEapps ****************************************** 2. BY FOLLOWING TRENDS We've gone through all the stats and trends you can think of to try and work out who will win. * The race is most likely to be won by a brown horse aged 9-11, carrying less than 11st 7lb. It'll have raced at least 10 times, won at least one good race over 3m, raced over hurdles this season, shown good form on a left-handed course and probably finished in the top 5 in its last race.. We've gone through the horses and the two that best fit this profile: Burton Port and Monbeg Dude. Place your bet today - sites will be super-busy near race time. It's a good time for each-way (finish in the top 5) betting: http://bit.ly/1gsR1fs ****************************************** 3. BY WHIZZY COMPUTER WIDGET We played all six of the Coral horse generators. We got one name three times. Which must be an omen: Across The Bay. Pick your horse and get your bet on here: http://bit.ly/1gsR1fs 4. PICK A NICE NAME One thing worth remembering is that horse names beginning with M win proportionally much more than they should. This year - Mr Moonshine, Monbeg Dude, Mountainous Your own Grand National sweepstake kit here: http://bit.ly/rpsweepstake ****************************************** >> Bad news << How not to do an interview Channel 4 had to apologise for running a news item a few weeks back when it was revealed that three of the four 'members of the public' they interviewed for some on-the-street voxpops were actually all employees of the same PR agency, Livity. Which, coincidentally is where the interviewer himself had previously worked. Bad practice, sure, but it's not a patch on ITV. During the teachers' strike last week, ITV interviewed a 'random' working mum, Fiona Jull, and poor Fiona told them all about how she had had to arrange emergency child care. That wouldn't be the same Fiona Jull whose PR company represents Emergency Childcare, would it? Why, yes it would! Not that ITV bothered to tell viewers. ------------------------------------------ Matt Berry spotted in Soho wearing bright red cowboy boots. Matt, Lisa Stansfield and Suggs all seen at French House's annual pints-serving day. ------------------------------------------ >> Baboon v Badger << The monkey gets the vote Scott Adkins - star of The Legend of Hercules - says: baboon! "Because if you've got a bum that looks like that you've gotta be hard, haven't you? With a bum like that, you've gotta be tough..." More from Scott: http://bit.ly/1ikP2MF ***************************************** Geoff Dyer spent two weeks on an aircraft carrier. He'll tell Alain de Botton all about it on May 28th, for 5x15. Popbitch subscribers get 5GBP off tickets using booking code: TOPGUN https://tinyurl.com/l686u9c ***************************************** >> Hmms << Feltz, cats, gifts One of the nicest reviews of Frankie Knuckles' life was by Alexis Petridis: http://bit.ly/1ikOk23 The art of passive-aggressive gift giving: http://the-uncomfortable.tumblr.com/ Metalheads and their cats: http://bit.ly/1eejuG2 Neighbour's cat winding you up? http://www.pet-assassin.co.uk Vanessa Feltz does Kimye: http://instagram.com/p/mPiwbCI-Nr/ Want to intern for Beyonce? She's willing to pay you in unlimited Pepsi and three selfies! http://bit.ly/1hbmc56 ***************************************** Eurofest Eurovision Preview at Royal Vauxhall Tavern, Friday 11 April. Limited tickets available on door to see the lovely Conchita Wurst: http://on.fb.me/1pZ2uJ6 ***************************************** >> Stuff about Popbitch << * Email us stories, gossip, otter pics: hello@popbitch.com * Subscribe or unsubscribe here: http://www.popbitch.com * Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd. * Mail by aysabtu * Good luck to theabominablehoman, and the future mrshoman on their wedding saturday ******************************************* Thanks to: theabominablehoman, MC, SW, G SG, deep-stoat, bad horsey, JE, IC, P ******************************************* Old Jokes Home: Have you heard about the dyslexic with Tourette syndrome? He goes around shouting, "This! This! This!" Still Bored: How to avoid Piers Morgan in movies: http://bit.ly/1dSAeYt
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Strange Horseys
****************************************** Popbitch Quiz is back! Roundhouse, Camden, Thur 1st May. 7pm til late. Get there early for 2-for-1 mojitos. Book your table for live music round/ games/arts & crafts/loads more. 5 quid PP. http://bit.ly/PY4iqF ***************************************** "When you're dancing your pants off, nobody's looking at your shoes" - Scarlett Johansson ------------------------------------------ POPBITCH _ _ _ _ _ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__ | '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \ | |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | | | .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_| |_| |_| 11.04.14 ISSUE 685 Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe go to http://www.popbitch.com To send stories email: hello@popbitch.com * The real-life dramas of daytime TV * Bum fun with Martha Stewart * Charts: Sigma v Vamps to be no. 1 ------------------------------------------ >> Duke of dork << Daniel's causing a stur Robbie Keane had his somersault, Gareth Bale persists with that ridiculous heart thing but Daniel Sturridge's dance is about to really, really get on your tits. He's been asking producer Duke Dumont to make a house track for him "based around my dance" before the World Cup. Worryingly, we don't think Mr Dumont has said no yet. ------------------------------------------ The Perils Of Live Blogging: mirror.co.uk this week, "Live - Peaches Geldof dead". ------------------------------------------ >> Little and large << The comedy of Manford's manhood Max Clifford isn't the only celeb who is said to like banging on about their tiny member. It's the subject of much of Jason Manford's chat when he meets someone online. But if they do end up in bed together, everything changes. What Jason likes at that point is for his playmates to tell him how big his penis is. Over and over again. ------------------------------------------ John Travolta stays on LA time wherever he travels, including mealtimes. ------------------------------------------ >> Big Questions << Who's asking what this week Which international pop superstar has been developing a roaring coke habit? At a Hollywood Hills party she was so muntered she couldn't walk in a straight line and fell in the swimming pool. (You won't guess; she's a dark horse...) ------------------------------------------ After reinventing soccer in the USA, David Beckham is turning his attention to malt whisky. He'll be launching the "Haig Club" later this year. ------------------------------------------ >> Dirty business << Martha gets the thumbs up There are many upsides to being a rich, older celebrity. Your fame can come in quite handy to help snare that hot young thing at your favourite restaurant. But there are some downsides too. Such as how fun it will be for them to gossip about you. Which means that their friends will know all about how you like having their fingers stuck up your arse. As Martha Stewart is currently finding out... ****************************************** Issue Two of Popbitch Magazine is OUT NOW. Filled with longer features, infographics, cartoons, insider columns, and more weird and wonderful stories you won't find anywhere else. All brand new. Different to the mailout. Download the app from Newsstand here: http://bit.ly/1bexc8Y ****************************************** >> Disappeared, here << Peaches fails to make the 27 club Peaches Geldof obits rarely mention her short-lived stint as a magazine editor/publisher. But the first issue of her Disappear Here featured a debate on what celebrity will be next to die at 27 - the age at which Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison and Kurt Cobain all perished. They didn't manage to predict Amy Winehouse. Their suggestions? Ashley Cole and Craig David. ------------------------------------------ If you haven't heard it - Sigma's number one contender is a brilliant drum and bass remix of Kanye's Bound 2. Buy it. ------------------------------------------ >> Irish missed << My goodness, Mcguinness Big Ben, Westminster cockwatcher has been at it again: "At the State Banquet for the President of Ireland I was most excited at the prospect of seeing Martin McGuinness' weapon when he walked in to the loos. However his security cleared everyone out. Therefore I did not see his cock. ------------------------------------------ Man in Singapore arrested for biting a policeman. His name? Bai Ting. ------------------------------------------ >> Loose lipped << Holmes under the hammer When he was a host on GMTV, Eamonn Holmes had such a spectacular bust- up with his boss, Martin Frizell, it has become the stuff of legend. Eamonn didn't let it lie when it came to writing his autobiography and took the time to give Frizell a trashing in print - thinking this would give him the last word. Frizell was not pleased by this, and has been waiting to take his revenge ever since. Now Martin Frizell has been brought in to try to save ailing daytime show Loose Women. How that will work out for regular Loose Woman, Ruth Langsford (a.k.a. Mrs Holmes), remains to be seen. ----------------------------------------- RIP Señor Jesus Labrador - the best named of the Venezuelan protestors. ------------------------------------------ >> Popart << Bitching about the dead To the world, Robert Mapplethorpe is best known as a photographer. To his friends though - and, in particular, his neighbours - he was better known for the specialist Brown parties and Yellow parties he used to throw in his studio. When his neighbours would complain about the stench of piss and shit in the building, Mapplethorpe denied all culpability, explaining that as he always laid black bin liners on the floor before things got going, it couldn't have been anything to do with him. FYI: For a while, Robert De Niro was one of these neighbours. ----------------------------------------- Evan Davies was spotted in the Chiswick House gardens, frolicking with his dog (who appears to be called Whippy). He was also sporting double denim. ------------------------------------------ >> Hmms << Pop, new age, poo Because there's nothing hotter than dating yourself: http://boyfriendtwin.tumblr.com/ Crazy Russian badger gives bulls in china shops a run for their money: http://bit.ly/1hhh6mX Film of the week: http://bit.ly/1qEcnw5 New age bullsht generator: http://sebpearce.com/bullshit/ Owen Pallett (Final Fantasy) explains pop hits: http://slate.me/1qn6epX In praise of the lemur: http://bit.ly/1qEc8kO Barrister goes to court to blog on case. Then dobs himself in for contempt of court: http://bit.ly/1iADwvL A modern day folk hero: http://dailym.ai/1jYoGTS Local news of the week: http://bit.ly/1i7IMdL >> Stuff about Popbitch << * Email us stories, gossip, otter pics: hello@popbitch.com * Subscribe or unsubscribe here: http://www.popbitch.com * Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd. * Mail by aysabtu * Thanks to everyone who completed the survey on Monday. ******************************************* Thanks to: monstris, olrik, SK, PK, danceswithmustelids, BD, MG, mountstnobody, JF, smillsy, GO ******************************************* Old Jokes Home: Q: What's the difference between a Taliban outpost and a Pakistani elementary school? A: I don't know, I just fly the drone. Still Bored: Pop star Kamaliya reported from the Kyiv protests for us - now she's back doing what she does best. And it concerns some "strange horseys": http://bit.ly/1kzFByL
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Vlogging For Alton Towers
****************************************** QUIZ! On a Thursday Night. Very soon! 1st MAY - Popbitch Quiz is back: At the Roundhouse, Camden from 7pm. Get there early for 2-for-1 mojitos. Only 5 quid each. Get your team together, we can take big and small groups, reserve your table and get quizzing! http://bit.ly/PY4iqF ***************************************** "Can't wait for Belgium tomorrow! Are we supposed to eat Muscles and fries?" Sean from 5ive ------------------------------------------ POPBITCH _ _ _ _ _ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__ | '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \ | |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | | | .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_| |_| |_| 17.04.14 ISSUE 686 Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe go to http://www.popbitch.com To send stories email: hello@popbitch.com * Twisting our Mellons * Eurovision: Ukraine v Russia * Charts: Kiesza is new number one ------------------------------------------ >> Chinese whispers << Geographical determinism Labour MP Gareth Thomas, has been getting a lot of media coverage for his campaign to get more East Asian characters in British TV soaps, and to stop them relying on outdated stereotypes. And for which constituency is he the MP? "Harrow". ------------------------------------------ Nigel Farage is ten months younger than Johnny Depp. ------------------------------------------ >> Union flak << Beckham's lucky escape It was only September last year when London was overcome with the excitement of David Beckham's restaurant partnership with Gordon Ramsey opening. According to the gushing PR hype, The Union Cafe was booked up solid for months, as punters rushed to get a table. As we now know, David Beckham had nothing to do with it. And only six months into its life, the restaurant is looking a bit empty. Already they've resorted to tempting people through discount deals on online restaurant sites. Two courses for 19 quid, offered this week. ------------------------------------------ Benefits Street may be struggling to cast a second series, but a TV exec tells us there's a Christmas Special in the bag. ------------------------------------------ >> Big Questions << Who's asking what this week Which laddish TV/radio 'personality' was causing a stink in a Chinese restaurant by bellowing racist jokes and comments - and encouraging his child to join in with him? He doesn't seem to quite have a handle on the correct culinary references though as, bizarrely, he kept using the word 'poppadom'. ------------------------------------------ Nice to see Denise Van Outen's career going from strength to strength. Her new gig? Vlogger for theme park, Alton Towers. ------------------------------------------ >> Losing their shirt << Banking's bonus culture No-one predicted that Liverpool would be top of the premier league and favourites to win the title going into the last month. Not even their own sponsor, Standard Chartered, it seems. There's a story going around Anfield that, as part of the sponsorship deal, there's a really hefty bonus due to the club if they win the league. The bank was said to be happy to include the clause as, come on, last year's seventh placed team were hardly going to win out over the billionaires of Man City and Chelsea, were they? ****************************************** Need a long read for the long weekend? Issue Two of Popbitch Magazine is OUT NOW. Featuring an in-depth look at celebrity tax-dodging, the best Scandinavian pop, the story of the man who did what Max Clifford failed to do and all sorts of weird and wonderful things... Download the app from Newsstand here: http://bit.ly/1bexc8Y ****************************************** >> Rich bitch << Twisting our Mellons There are a lot of stupid, rich people about, but - unless the piece that ran about them in the New York Times this week was a parody - few are more boneheaded than Matthew Mellon and Nicole Hanley Mellon, owners of the new HanleyMellon clothing range. If you don't have any anger management issues, the whole piece is worth a read, but the most excruciating quote: "I've never been to Africa, but I feel like I have this deep affinity for it," Ms. Hanley Mellon said. "I've read every Hemingway, we collect Peter Beard, I've watched 'Out of Africa'." See how long you can last: http://nyti.ms/Qr5Dq5 ------------------------------------------ Yay! Steven Seagal is back in the UK this summer with his band, Thunderbox, to tour their new album, Mojo Priest. ------------------------------------------ >> Unimpressed << Journalism protecting itself The Impress Project is yet another thing set up by the great and the good - Harold Evans, Polly Toynbee etc - to "protect the future of journalism" (a.k.a "keep those pesky tabloids in their place") They've had a crowdfunding drive online for weeks and, with a few hours left, only 14k of their 25k target has been met. With just 28 donors so far. Of these 28, 12 are anonymous, and at least four of the named donors are board members or connected with the Impress Project. ------------------------------------------ In the bible, "shrimp" are referred to as an "abomination" four times more than "homosexuality". ------------------------------------------ >> Circle jerk << Hacking trial in action Rumours around legal circles suggest the sheer number of young lawyers tasked with going through every single line of evidence to help Rebekah Brooks' defence is pretty much unprecedented. ------------------------------------------ Coca-Cola has a rather sinister sounding new strategy. They've discovered no-one drinks soda at dinnertime, so their plan? To "infiltrate the family meal". ------------------------------------------ >> Euro-division << Politics and pop Seeing as the big story in Europe at the moment is Russia and Ukraine, all eyes will be on those two in this year's Eurovision. But who will succeed when they go head-to-head in the first semi-final? UKRAINE When Mariya Yaremchuk debuted her song, Tick-Tock, we were struck by how incesty the lyrics were. (We belong to each other, like a sister to a brother etc) Sadly she's now modified them, but there's still plenty to enjoy. It's like good Maroon 5 (if you can imagine such a thing). RUSSIA Clearly courting the paedo vote, the Russian entry is former Junior Eurovision winners, the Tolmachevy Twins. The song, Shine, sounds like every serviceable Eurovision song that's ever been - but is it enough to win over the hearts and minds of Europe? We're not so sure. The clip of Russia's 2013 entry got booed very loudly at the London Eurovision party this year: Listen here: http://bit.ly/1m9EAgW ****************************************** #Sing for your supper and win takeaway vouchers from JUST EAT. What's your song? Maybe something by Las Ketchup or Madoner: http://bit.ly/1eMD95R ****************************************** >> Hmms << Spidey, Tom, Mayor This week's T-shirt to buy: http://bit.ly/1hKWS6i Spiderman 2 - "Nobody seems to know how electricity works!" http://bit.ly/1tdui0F Think Middle of the Road were all Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep? A new girl band is covering their other song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQ8_oQHGDA8 The masked man who made people think Elvis was still alive gets a own movie, via crowdfunding: http://www.orionthemovie.com Old radio themes tunes, in case you wanted to remind yourself how Jimmy Savile sounded: http://bit.ly/1r20Kzp Finland to release Tom of Finland stamps: http://bit.ly/1ndpEyn The Mayor of Slaviansk lives in a house like this: http://bit.ly/1j5Av6Q Newspaper reading habits: http://bit.ly/1kCBdwx "Foreign looking" = "suspicious" http://bit.ly/Rr2zvs >> Stuff about Popbitch << * Email us stories, gossip, otter pics: hello@popbitch.com * Subscribe or unsubscribe here: http://www.popbitch.com * Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd. * Mail by aysabtu * Thanks to everyone who completed the survey on Monday. ******************************************* Thanks to: L, hyperboy, fo_shizzle, monstris, mountstnobody, DJ, SG, shagpile_perm, O, JK, G, ******************************************* Old Jokes Home: The grim reaper came for me last night, but I managed to fight him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about dyson with death. Still Bored: Try urban cow tipping: http://bit.ly/1iseFxD
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Groping Harvey Keitel
****************************************** Popbitch Quiz is back NEXT WEEK! Roundhouse bar, Camden, Thur 1st May. Get there early for 2-for-1 mojitos. Email hello@popbitch.com for info NOW! Or book and reserve your table here: http://bit.ly/PY4iqF ***************************************** "I know my cock's always in the custard for saying Bongo Land, or something" - Godfrey Bloom ------------------------------------------ POPBITCH _ _ _ _ _ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__ | '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \ | |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | | | .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_| |_| |_| 24.04.14 ISSUE 687 Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe go to http://www.popbitch.com To send stories email: hello@popbitch.com * Scope or grope, Mr Keitel? * The Slappertons are back! * Charts: Mr Probz is no 1 ------------------------------------------ >> Nice reception << Doing it for the digs The producer of a big British daytime talk show surveyed a group of guests about why they had chosen to go on telly to talk about their personal problems. What do you think the most common answer was? To give their issues a wide, public platform? To generate debate or help others in the same position? To get the sort of expert advice that only TV money can buy? Erm, no. The most popular answer given was: "To stay in a nice hotel" Which becomes even more poignant when you learn that the producer revealed the 'nice hotel' they book guests into is a Travelodge. ------------------------------------------ When given the 'scope or grope?' option at US airport security earlier this week, Harvey Keitel opted for the grope. ------------------------------------------ >> PR 101 << The young and the dumb You're a teenage film-maker who has made a violent movie where loads of people get murdered. How can you get some press coverage for it? Well, calling it Hunger Ford might bring it some red-top attention... ------------------------------------------ Marco Pierre White was having lunch with a friend last week in Randall and Aubin - they played spoof for who settled the bill. Marco won. ------------------------------------------ >> Big Questions << Who's asking what this week Which Premier League title-chasing football star has sold his credit facility with an elite betting firm to a "whale"? The professional gambler has been so successful that he can't get his biggest bets placed, so has got the star to front it for him (in return for a nice fee, naturally...) Let's see him try to defend that one if the bookies find out. ------------------------------------------ Coke own the domains ahh.com, ahhh.com and every one after that up to, and including, 'a' followed by sixty-two 'h's. ------------------------------------------ >> All Spice << The beef that just won't die GR writes: "Caught All Saints' comeback performance at G-A-Y. It was a great show. However, as soon as they exited the stage, the organisers played, with the volume cranked right up, the song Who Do You Think You Are? by the Spice Girls. "Cruel, very cruel!" ****************************************** Get top price tickets for LET THE RIGHT ONE IN for only 19.50. Call 0844 412 4658 and quote "Popbitch Save 20GBP offer" or use promo code POPBITCH20 at: http://bit.ly/1hnhK22 ****************************************** >> Footing the bill << Can Glen Johnson save Pompey? It's not only Liverpool who may get a good payout from their sponsors if they top the Premiership, as we reported last week. When Portsmouth sold Glen Johnson to Liverpool it was in written in his contract that if Liverpool win the Premiership with Glen playing for them, Pompey would get another million pounds. ------------------------------------------ Popular on the Game of Thrones set: Nikolaj Coster Waldu (Jamie Lannister) Not popular on the Game of Thrones set: Natalie Dormer (Margaery Tyrell), "she's a right bitch." ------------------------------------------ >> Chicken cottage << Fowl behaviour in London saunas bad_horsey writes: "Canny visitors to saunas in public baths have frequently smuggled in bags of ice to wrap around the thermostat and thus raise the temperature to proper Scandinavian levels. This was recently brought to the attention of the staff at a leisure centre in Lewisham. When they investigated however, they found two men doing something a little bit unexpected. "Namely, cooking chicken breasts on the sauna's heater." ****************************************** Rubberbandits are doing their excellent new show Continental Fistfight in that big purple cow on the Southbank, May 10th at 7.45pm. Very special Popbitch price: 10GBP for 15GBP ticket. Code is YOKES. http://www.underbelly.co.uk/rubberbandits ****************************************** >> Hmms << Cats, beezin, Skrillex Have internet cats had their day? http://kck.st/1lI4Xqs Forget sniffing glue and smoking banana skins. The kids are all beezin' nowadays: http://elitedai.ly/1jSO9vR Ever wondered what would happen if a PR guru was convicted and decided to go kamikaze? http://bit.ly/1ihMOSi While we await the Clifford jury's decision: http://bit.ly/1iPDG6g All the drops on Skrillex's new album, charted for your convenience: http://bit.ly/1nIg8AJ Lights! Camera! Tax Shun! How film-based tax dodges actually work: http://bit.ly/1fa3U43 Why did the last Muppets movie get such mixed reviews? http://bit.ly/1gT68Qz Issue 2 of the Popbitch Magazine is available to download NOW. All exclusive content: http://bit.ly/1bexc8Y ****************************************** 2nd London Labour Film Festival at Odeon Covent Garden 28 Apr-2 May. Win 2 x pairs festival passes/T-shirts by answering this simple question: "Kinky Boots actor Chiwetel Ejiofor also stars in which film that won this year's Best Film Oscar?" Email info@londonlabourfilmfest.com by midnight Fri 26 April. Films/info/tickets: http://londonlabourfilmfest.com/ ****************************************** >> Stuff about Popbitch << * Email us stories, gossip, otter pics: hello@popbitch.com * Subscribe or unsubscribe here: http://www.popbitch.com * Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd. * Mail by aysabtu ******************************************* Thanks to: bad_horsey, deep_stoat, monstris theabominablehoman, GR, JA, LEW ******************************************* Old Jokes Home: David Moyes is in talks to take up a role at UKIP. They're looking for an expert to get them out of Europe. Still Bored: Wedding narcissism. For hire. (Come back to us when you've done the Human Centipede...) http://bit.ly/1ft4kxn
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Austrian hotbed of sodomy
****************************************** Tonight, we're drinking and quizzing at Made Bar, the Roundhouse, Camden. Come and join us - great drinks, great quiz rounds, great table service. From 7pm, email hello@popbitch.com or: http://bit.ly/1fpbSq3 ****************************************** "You'd find out more truth by just walking down the street with a musical instrument than by looking at any of the news outlets" - Johnny Borrell "Look, I don't know anything about what's going on in culture and I really have very little interest in it" - Johnny Borrell ------------------------------------------ POPBITCH _ _ _ _ _ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__ | '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \ | |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | | | .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_| |_| |_| 01.05.14 ISSUE 688 Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe go to http://www.popbitch.com To send stories email: hello@popbitch.com * Do-gooders play rough * Tough days for X-Men * Charts: Calvin Harris is no 1 ------------------------------------------ >> Moaner Lisa << RIP Bob Hoskins Noel Gallagher and wife Meg Mathews' Supernova Heights house was the centre of the Britpop Primrose Hill party scene, but they weren't always popular with the neighbours. The police and Camden Council received frequent complaints about the noise. Some time later it was discovered they usually came from a neighbour just over the road... Bob Hoskins. ------------------------------------------ So why did Hoskins appear in BT's It's Good To Talk ad campaign? "I've got 800,000 reasons, and they've all got the Queen's head on them." ------------------------------------------ >> Ex-Men? << Tough days for Singer The new X-Men film, Days of Future Past, is having a hell of time. The allegations surrounding Bryan Singer are the least of his worries. Not only has he pulled out of doing all press to promote the film, he was still staging secret reshoots late last month with Michael Fassbender. ------------------------------------------ Now Paxman's been persauded to quit Newsnight, perhaps the bosses's plan to replace him with Eddie Mair is happening. ------------------------------------------ >> The new Deal << Talking loud and clear Kim Deal's replacement in the Pixies, Kim Shattuck, was sacked by the band last year, and no-one has ever really explained why. Musical differences? Heroin addiction? It was something much simpler. She would never shut up and it got on the tits of the rest of the band. So they kicked her out. ------------------------------------------ So much for Record Store Day. In 2013, Blurred Lines sold more than twice as many copies as all vinyl records in UK last year. ------------------------------------------ >> Big Questions << Who's asking what this week Which ex-Eastenders star took so much cocaine on their Greek summer holiday last year that, according to the hotel barman, she shat herself and didn't really notice. Unfortunately for her she was in her bikini, by the pool, so everyone else did. ------------------------------------------ Poor old Grazia - will their relationship predictions ever go right? This week they report "Harry's relationship with Cressida has continued to gather pace..." ------------------------------------------ >> Eat your Greens << Do-gooders play rough Greenpeace have a popular vegetarian chef at their London HQ. She serves lunch at 1230. So sought after are her meals that one department took direct action on another, the press office, by turning their clock back a few minutes so they would be late and end up behind the in the queue. ****************************************** Planet of the Grapes Saturday Wine school. June 14th, July 12th. A bullshit-free introduction. Five hours, 10 wines, enough cheese and charcuterie to keep you going. Call 020 7405 4912 or email shop@planetofthegrapes.co.uk ****************************************** >> Swear it again << Westlife sex life in court As part of Andy Coulson's cross- examination about the Milly Dowler story in the News of the World, the jury in the hacking trial had to go through that entire issue of the paper, from April 2002. And what exciting exclusives did they get to read? Ones like this: "Westlife Star Gets Touchy Feehily (But He Only Has A Little Weehily)" in which a kiss'n'tell girl, and the paper, gave Mark Feehily a roasting for his prowess in bed. In amongst the claims, the 18 year old Swedish stunner Mersina said that he wasn't very "adventurous", that he was more interested in sleeping than satisfying her and that he was a disappointing lover. Poor old Mark Feehily. He must have got so tired of such nonsense that, not long after, he publicly came out as gay. ------------------------------------------ Day Today Headline of the week, from the Sunday Times: "Paedophiles To Be Treated As Terrorists". ------------------------------------------ >> Euro-revision << Getting ready for next week With days to go until the first Eurovision semi-final, rehearsals are well under way. So what should you be most looking forward to? GOOD STAGING: * Austria - Looking more like a Kardashian than Khloe, Conchita Wurst should be a huge star. * Hungary - Excellent American- Hungarian child abuse themed d'n'b: * Greece - How do you stage a bouncy summer holiday dance-rap? With an on-stage trampoline, of course. BAD STAGING: * Armenia - Great song; enormous dub breakdown; massive favourite - but can a man alone on stage carry it off? * Azerbaijan - Lovely jazz ballad. With a distracting trapeze artist. * Ukraine - Will test Europe's sympathy vote with the bizarre hamster wheel they're using. LINK TO SONGS: http://bit.ly/1n1Ohya FYI: Crimea will be voting as part of Ukraine on Saturday, not Russia, as their phone system is still Ukrainian. FYI2: Eurovision - a "hotbed of sodomy at the initiation of the European liberals" - VOTE AUSTRIA! http://bit.ly/1o6fpJQ ------------------------------------------ Jimmy Somerville spotted in a Kemp Town patisserie, buying two wheat-free somethings and a couple of petits fours. ------------------------------------------ >> Carr-ousel << Jimmy packs his bags mrzipski writes: "Spotted at Gatwick getting off a plane from The Maldives on Friday, Jimmy Carr and a lady. They collected three large suitcases each from the carousel. Which many observers felt was a tad excessive. Unless he was working out there and they were full of stage clothes or something. Either way, no-one in the arrivals hall saw his cock as far as I know." ------------------------------------------ S writes: "Re your story last week, I feel I should defend Natalie Dormer. I did a sponsored thing to raise money for drama school and she gave me 100 quid." ------------------------------------------ >> Peach Recognition << It's time to #Download4Peaches We were suprised to find out that Peaches by the Stranglers hasn't seen any significant sales uplift in commemoration of the late Ms Geldof. Wonder if it will be the same for Golden Brown? ****************************************** Rubberbandits are doing their excellent new show Continental Fistfight in that big purple cow on the Southbank, May 10th at 7.45pm. Very special Popbitch price: 10GBP for 15GBP ticket. Code is YOKES. http://www.underbelly.co.uk/rubberbandits ****************************************** >> Hmms << Culkin, cakes, KKK At Macaulay Culkin's house: http://bit.ly/R3o44U Coats For Goats http://www.coatsforgoats.com/ Tiny Hamsters Eating Tiny Burritos http://bit.ly/1mdV8Rq Nom Dem of the week - Don Popadick arrested for... flashing. He's been charged with "Mischief": http://bit.ly/1mgVScV What wine should you order with Guinea Pig? http://bit.ly/1i0m3fF Tech bullshit called out: http://tcrn.ch/1i0m17t Q: Do bankers get bashed in the media? A: No: http://on.ft.com/1iCSYNc KKK man arrested for shagging black man, dressed as a woman: http://nydn.us/1pRNH8c The website that proves the internet is a very bad thing: http://bit.ly/1fB1bRo How everyone wants to look at their funeral: http://bit.ly/SdgAx5 >> Stuff about Popbitch << * Email us stories, gossip, otter pics: hello@popbitch.com * Subscribe or unsubscribe here: http://www.popbitch.com * Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd. * Mail by aysabtu ******************************************* Thanks to: TM, deep_stoat, LT, Ulysses, celtiagirl, monstris, mrzipski, DY, AM, SL, __________________ ******************************************* Old Jokes Home: Max Clifford gets sentenced tomorrow? Must be a lot of people wondering what to do with their other two wishes... Still Bored: Good article on Larry Page: http://read.bi/1mgVwCY
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The Golden Touch of Downes?
****************************************** Thinking of placing a bet on Eurovision? Board the Austria/Netherlands bandwagons. Or back Britain - Molly is 4/7 to be top "big five". Keep an eye on the odds here with Coral: http://bit.ly/1s6UqqM ****************************************** "I am quite OCD about my perfume habits" - Katie Price ------------------------------------------ POPBITCH _ _ _ _ _ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__ | '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \ | |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | | | .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_| |_| |_| 09.05.14 ISSUE 689 Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe go to http://www.popbitch.com To send stories email: hello@popbitch.com * What's that rapper done? * What's that Conchita done? * Mr Probz is back at no 1 ------------------------------------------ >> BBC graffiti << Leaving a paper trail The new BBC Broadcasting House is essentially a giant tubular donut, with its inner wall made of glass. BBC staff have been encouraged to take part in an exercise to write inspiring words in massive letters, made up of post-it notes, on their internal windows. Wednesday saw the words CREATIVITY, COLLABORATION and RESPECT appear. Yesterday saw RESPECT re-arranged into SPECTRE. Which suggests that perhaps not everyone is taking it entirely seriously. And when staff were prompted for their thoughts on these words, the best response received was: "Buy more post-it notes". ------------------------------------------ The Pet Shop Boys' tour guitarist, Bic, is the nephew of It Ain't Half Hot Mum's Melvin Hayes. ------------------------------------------ >> Big Questions << Who's asking what this week Which prison is giving its staff a media training session today about their high-profile new inmate - a full week after his sentencing? (He should be hosting it. LESSON ONE: A week is a long time in media management...) We're told that a well-known rapper and producer bought his son a hooker for his 16th birthday recently, but did he? Did he really? ------------------------------------------ While filming the new season of 24, Kiefer Sutherland had weekly guitar lessons on Fridays in Balham. ------------------------------------------ >> The Butler did it << Knight in shining armour A young couple were out celebrating their first anniversary in a Sydney restaurant on Monday. Unfortunately, their evening didn't quite go to plan. They had a heated argument and he stormed off, leaving her sobbing in the restaurant, in front of dozens of people. Luckily, someone gallant gentleman came to her rescue, offering to buy her dinner instead. Their meal together went so well that, unless her boyfriend apologises quickly, she might be doing more than just dining with her knight in shining armour. The knight in question? Gerard Butler. ------------------------------------------ Boo - Bradley S Club tweeted this week: "My lil brother's football team played a team from Essex who continually chanted monkey noises at them! 13yr olds #shame" ------------------------------------------ >> Cruel to be Kyle << Sneaking booze to kiddies X writes: "I used to work at Jurys Inn Hotel, Manchester (when the Jeremy Kyle show was filmed at ITV Granada: Manchester). "We used to have the Jeremy Kyle guests stay at our hotel. They were not allowed to charge extras like cigs and booze back to ITV, so they were often left packages which included packets of cigs and bottles of booze by some crew members. "The best was two bottles of vodka handed over to a young girl who went on to a show about drinking, and she was criticised for being drunk while filming." ****************************************** Looking for a way to escape Eurovision on Saturday night in London? Rubberbandits - in that big purple cow on the Southbank, May 10th, 7.45pm. Very special Popbitch price: 10GBP for 15GBP ticket. Use codes: YOKES. http://bit.ly/1kQyoWy ****************************************** >> Jane got a dud << The most fated film of the year Lynne Ramsay's no-show as director of Jane Got A Gun did her no PR favours, but maybe she was on to something. Michael Fassbender, Jude Law and Bradley Cooper have all, at different times, signed up to play alongside Natalie Portman - and all have dropped out. Now producers have just announced the film's release has been put back from this August to February 2015. That suggests it needs hell of a re-edit or re-shoot. Or that they deliberately chose post-Oscars February to release it - which is traditionally the graveyard slot for films which are so bad they wouldn't get on the schedules at any other, busier time. ------------------------------------------ Thought BBC didn't do advertising? After When Corden Met Barlow aired, Gary's solo album moved from number 38 to number 3. ------------------------------------------ >> Touch of class << Keith needs a new career Things are heating up for the finals of Miss Bikini Ireland Model Search 2014. This in-no- way sleazy competition is going from strength to strength. Last year's lovely winner, Valerija Plotnikova, received an all- expenses paid trip to Swimsuit USA International 2013 in Mexico, vouchers, a dress worth 1000 euros and a photo shoot with a top photographer... ...Keith Touchey. http://bit.ly/1i1ESmD ------------------------------------------ Get ready... there's a new Power Rangers movie in the pipeline. From Lionsgate who brought us Twilight and Hunger Games. ------------------------------------------ >> Kilroy was here... << ... And here, and here and here We've been sent a lot of YouTube videos over the years. This is probably the best ever. All of the intros to Kilroy. One after the other. http://bit.ly/1uITywx ------------------------------------------ Brit Eurovision runner-up singer 1989, Ray Caruana, has just opened a leather goods store in Billericay. ------------------------------------------ >> Eurovision << Your guide to the final We have updated both of our guides for Saturday's final. If you have an iPad, download our free interactive guide from here: http://bit.ly/1bexc8Y If you're using anything else, here's our free PDF guide: http://bit.ly/1kRx58u And if you're tempted to have a little flutter, here are the odds. UK, Hungary, Greece and Malta have a lot of supporters but great odds. Even semi-final favourites Austria and Netherlands have some value: http://bit.ly/1s6UqqM See if breakout-star Conchita can win over Europe with her incredible performance 8pm, tomorrow. FYI: The Eurovision CD featuring all entries is available now: http://bit.ly/1od8v8v ------------------------------------------ Armenia's Aram MP3 is top 5 in Azerbaijan! Does this mean Eurovision will finally usher in peace in Nagorno-Karabakh? ------------------------------------------ >> Krac one off << It's the same old, same old In Poland, when dubbing foreign import TV shows, they hire one actor to do all of the voices - be they men, women, children or mythical creatures. It used to be for budgetary reasons, but no people are so used to it they don't really like it when it's changed. http://bit.ly/1j96bYq ****************************************** It's EASY to drink amazing fresh coffee this year, at home or at work. Pact Coffee will send you a 250g bag for just ONE POUND with free P&P, a saving of 5.95GBP - use code lovepact now at http://www.pactcoffee.com - future bags 6.95GBP, delivered when you need them. ****************************************** >> Hmms << Drake, Rolf, penis Can we borrow some children? http://bit.ly/SDCBFq Stoke Mandeville really does attract 'em: http://bbc.in/1gbvskA Something "The Octopus" should be buying for himself: http://bit.ly/1nrKo3q Ever wanted a banana-penis tattoo? Try this guy: http://bit.ly/1sq4MnP Sitcoms with Drake http://bit.ly/RqQjL5 Jack's Back! And he ain't standing for it. http://bit.ly/1iqnmJo >> Stuff about Popbitch << * Email us stories, gossip, otter pics: hello@popbitch.com * Subscribe or unsubscribe here: http://www.popbitch.com * Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd. * Mail by aysabtu ******************************************* Thanks to: DG, MC, neville_bartos, majorbloodnok, SP, SM (joke), deep_stoat, mountstnobody, monstris, LMES, abominablehoman, BF, AM ******************************************* Old Jokes Home: Looks like Katie Price is getting divorced again. Why doesn't someone try setting her up with Oscar Pistorius? Still Bored: Looking for love, marxism and someone with whom to deconstruct the capitalist patriarchy? https://www.facebook.com/OKComrade
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